Worried about someone feeling depressed

Depression affects 1 in 5 people. When a friend is down for a long period of time or is behaving in an unusual way, it can be hard to know what the right thing to do is.

If your friend has mentioned suicide, it's important you tell someone so they can remain safe. Check out the If your friend threatens to take their own life fact sheet for more info.

Suggestions for helping

Like other illnesses, everyone's experience of depression is different. Also, it's important to remember that helping someone who is not ready to recognise they need help may be difficult, and the decision and responsibility for them to get help is ultimately theirs.

There are some things you can do that may help you to aid your friend who may be feeling depressed:

Offer your support

It can be scary when you realise you need help. Let your friend know you're worried about them, and that you are there to listen without judging them.

If they do talk to you about how they are feeling, it might help if you acknowledge that they are feeling down and that things might seem hard, while at the same time try and remain positive and encouraging.

If you are having difficulty speaking about it with your friend, you might start with sentences such as 'I've noticed you've seemed a bit down', 'Lately, I've noticed you've been not interested in hanging out with your mates or enjoying things like you used to'.

Choosing when to talk

Timing can be an important part of talking to someone about sensitive stuff. If possible, try to choose a time when you are both relaxed.

Avoid talking with them during an argument or if they are upset - you may end up getting a bad reaction and distancing them.

Don't ask them to cheer up or forget about it

When people are sad, our first reaction may be to tell them to cheer up or forget about it because everything will be fine. If someone is depressed this may be impossible.

Asking someone to cheer up may appear as if you are not taking their feelings seriously and have the opposite effect.

Get informed

Finding out more about depression might help you better understand the reasons for the reactions you might receive and what your friend might be going through. Check out the Depression - types, causes, and symptoms fact sheet.

Encourage them to get professional support

If your friend is depressed, it is important that they seek help. Your local doctor or GP is a good first step. Clinical psychologists and psychiatrists are specialists trained in assisting people with mental illness and could also help. You can find these people in your local area through the beyondblue Directory of Medical and Allied Health Practitioners.

If you feel able to, you might offer to go with your friend when they speak to someone about how they are feeling. It might also be helpful to forward them the fact sheets and stories listed on the left side of this page.

If your friend doesn't feel up to speaking with a professional face to face yet, you could encourage them to call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 (free from a land line) or Lifeline on 13 11 14 (cost of local call from a land line) - both are anonymous and available 24/7. Kids Helpline also offers web and email counselling.

Check out the Confidentiality fact sheet and the Who can help you section for more information about what these people do and how they can help.

Give it time

It might take time for your friend to accept help, either from you or someone else. It might also take some time to find a treatment that works best for them.

Take care of yourself

When you are worried about a friend you might feel stressed or overwhelmed and forget to look after yourself. It is important that you take care of how you are feeling. Speak to someone you trust, such as a family member, friend or counsellor.

Kids Helpline and Lifeline are services that are available 24/7 and which may also be helpful. Check out the links for more info.

Having time away from your friend can be important and allow you to relax. Make sure you spend some time doing what you enjoy. You may want to play sport, hang out with other friends, listen to music, or go for a walk.

Check out the Remember to take care of yourself as well fact sheet for more info.

Finally

It's also important to remember that even though you can offer support, you are not responsible for the actions or behaviours of your friend. If they are not willing to help themselves it is not your fault.