Finding yourself a good match

Wouldn't it be great if at the exact moment you decided you were ready to be in a relationship, your perfect match miraculously appeared at your door equipped with a big smile, pizza and DVDs? Unfortunately, there's a little more work involved in finding a good match and sometimes you need to go out and have a look. However, sometimes a relationship isn't what you need.

You might find this useful if:

  • You are ready for a relationship 
  • You have had relationships in the past with people who weren’t  suited to you
  • You don’t know how to go about finding someone who’s right for you
  • You don’t know who is right for you

Who is right for you?

So, you’ve decided you’re ready for a relationship. If you are trying to find someone who is a good match for you, a good place to start is by writing down a list of qualities that are important in a partner. Although physical attraction is important, try not to focus too much on their appearance as this doesn’t always lead you towards someone who’s a good match that you really click with. Some of these internal qualities might include:

  • Honesty
  • Kindness
  • Generosity
  • Fun
  • Loyalty
  • Sense of humour
Once you have made this list, keep it in mind when you are meeting new people. 

Questions to ask yourself

If you have someone in mind who you think might be a good match, there are some basic questions that you can ask yourself:

  • Does communication between us come easily?
  • Am I able to be myself around this person?
  • Are we able to respect each other’s beliefs and cultural backgrounds?
  • Do they possess the qualities that I value in a partner?
If you are still unsure if someone would be a good match for you, you can always talk to your friends and family to see what they think about it.

Where can you find someone who’s right for you?

So we have ruled out the possibility of your future partner rocking up unannounced at your doorstep with goodies. What’s next? 
  • Try looking in places where there are people with similar interests to you. For example, clubs and societies are great little communities of like-minded people. 
  • Put yourself in new social situations, like going to a gig or, if you’re over 18, trying out a new bar. 
  • You never know where you are going to meet someone who might be a good match for you. They could be anywhere, like on the bus or at the supermarket. Keep your eyes peeled and if you see someone who you think you could get along with, just try saying hello! If this is a terrifying prospect for you, have a look at some tips for meeting new people.

When a relationship isn’t what you need

There are plenty of different reasons that people decide to enter into a relationship. A lot of the time, they are healthy reasons like looking to build on a positive connection with someone. However, it can be easy to seek a relationship as a quick fix for other problems going on in your life. 

Some of the less desirable reasons to enter a relationship include:
  • You’re lonely. It’s important to be happy on your own before you develop a relationship with someone else. If you’re not, you might find yourself rushing into it and sacrificing qualities in your partner that would otherwise be really important to you. Check out our factsheet on feeling alone to learn more about some effective ways of how to deal with loneliness. 
  • You want something to make you feel better about yourself and your life. In all likelihood, if you’re feeling upset about something, a new relationship won’t make these feelings go away. If you’re feeling down, read our fact sheet on feeling sad without knowing why.
  • You find the novelty of a new partnership exciting. Remember, the novelty will wear off. Getting into a relationship should be about you and the other person rather than the idea of a having a boyfriend or girlfriend. 

If you feel you want to enter a relationship for any of the reasons above, it might be worth having a rethink about whether you need a relationship or just a bit of self-love. Check out our fact sheet on being single to find out the benefits of getting to know your single self before diving head first into a relationship that’s not meant to be.

What can I do now?

Last reviewed: 09 May, 2016
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