How do I talk to girls?

Story By: Cave man Cave man

Q: I find my skills in interacting and socialising with girls to be extremely poor as it seems as though we have absolutely nothing in common! So how should I go about talking to them and what should I talk to them about when they seem to share none of my interests?

girl and boy flirting in class
Remembering that they’re just like us except they smell better and have nicer hair is a good way to start

A: Good question. In fact, I think you’re posing two separate questions here that we should look at individually. First off, it’s important to understand that girls are not aliens. They often like a lot of the things that you or I like, even if they aren’t the obvious ones like certain kinds of sport or music or whatever. Remembering that they’re just like us except the smell better and have nicer hair is a good way to start; talking to them simply as people rather than ‘girls’ could go a long way in solving some of the problems.

Unless you are completely disengaged from all forms of popular culture and general Australian life (which is practically impossible in the age of the Internet anyway) it’s highly unlikely that you have nothing in common with anyone of any sex – you just have to be broader in your approach. An easy way to do this is focus on the general rather than specific. For instance, if you go to University, than trying to talk with girls about your course, talk about exams or plans for the holidays. The same goes for school, where at Year 11/12 level, you’re probably doing very different subjects. Just because she does Drama and you do Science, for example, doesn’t mean you both don’t hate 40% assignments.

Now the bigger question is how to go about talking to girls in general, especially if you’re attracted to them, which I assume is the motivation behind your question. I’m not aware of your context, but most interactions with people who aren’t your friends are largely situational. Going up to a girl and trying to chat her up ‘cold’ might seem like it works in films but in real life it’s unlikely to get you anywhere. But being thrown into an common situation – like waiting for the same bus, enrolling in the same class, getting coffee at the same café on the weekend – is really all that you need.

Chances are she’s already seen or noticed you and even if you have to strike up a conversation about something banal like how great these particular cappuccinos are or how late the bloody bus is again, all you’re doing opening a line of communication that previously didn’t exist. In all likelihood, you’d do the same thing with a guy you didn’t know. After that, you’ll find the chatter will probably flow naturally and you can talk about whatever you want. And if it doesn’t, she’s probably not the right one for you, because in any relationship of any nature, communication is the most important thing!


Emerging from the forum mancave, our Cave man regularly appears to answer all your questions about being a guy. Got a question for Cave man? Swing it his way.

Cave Man is a 25 year old guy who has a history of writing stuff tailored to men. Cave Man’s not a psychologist or medical professional and isn't available to give official advice, but he’s here to pass on some of his knowledge on all things to do with being a guy in the 21st century.

Last reviewed: 16 April, 2015
Did you find this article helpful?

You have already rated this article

Add a comment

Read the commenting guidelines: keep safe and respectful


  • Troy    (1002 days ago)

    I liked the part about starting line of communication through a commonality such as the late bus!