Q&A: What's my sexuality?

Q: What's my sexuality if I identify as gender neutral but am only attracted to men?

couple with shoes off
Some people describe their sexual and romantic identity as “fluid” meaning it changes over time or in different situations.
It’s pretty awesome that you’re exploring how you identify. People use identity labels as a way of making sense of who they are but also finding some shorthand ways to tell other people about ourselves. Obviously, some sexuality identities and labels are more common than others, like gay, straight, and bi. 

Labels are pretty cool most of the time but the biggest problem with sexual identity labels is that they tend to assume that everyone is a guy or a girl. That means they don’t really work for anyone whose gender changes over time or whose identity or expression is outside the binary of guy/girl. So gender isn’t a binary, but neither is sexuality. With sexuality, our behaviours, emotions and identities are complicated. That’s why some folks prefer to see sexuality (and gender) as spectrums, with endless possibilities rather than just the two binary options. 

Some sexual identity labels like queer, pansexual, or polysexual see gender, sex and sexuality as spectrums not binaries. If someone identifies as queer it generally means their partners may be of a range of genders. 

Pansexual usually means their romantic and sexual partners can be of any gender, sex or sexual identity (Pan means ‘all’). Polysexual usually means their romantic and sexual partners can be of many but not all genders sexes or sexual identities (Poly means ‘many’ but not ‘all’). 

Lots of folks find identity labels limiting or stereotyping so they choose not to use any word to summarise their sexual and romantic attractions and behaviours. People with labels expect others to have them too, so when people ask them how they identify, they either describe it or they say they are “themselves” or challenge the person asking with “why does that matter?”

Some people describe their sexual and romantic identity as “fluid” meaning it changes over time or in different situations. 

Lastly, you’ve described yourself as gender neutral and into men (OK, I paraphrased a little) but that sounds like an identity to me.


Questions are answered by Twenty10 incorporating GLCS NSW. They are an excellent community non-profit that supports and works with people, communities and families of diverse genders, sexes and sexualities. They run a whole host of programs including a mentoring program for young people as well as social support, counselling, housing, providing information, referrals, support and advocacy on issues facing LGBTIQ people including young people.

Got a question? Swing it our way.

Last reviewed: 16 February, 2014
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