Q&A: I feel male and female

Q: "I'm biologically female but some days I feel like I should be male, sometimes I have a mixture during the day of feeling male and female. How can I deal with this, I have no one around me to ask."

back of girl at beach
Thanks so much for your question, it sounds like you have been doing it tough with this on your own. Working out how gender works for us and how we identify can feel pretty lonely and confusing at times. But you might be surprised to learn that lots of people find their gender feels a bit different from most folks around them.  

When we are born, a doctor assigns a sex to us based on our physical aspects (yup, your genitals). The sex is written on your birth certificate, student ID, all sorts of things. But we’re more complex than a letter on our student ID! 

As well as having a physical sex, we also have a gender, which is how we feel in our mind in terms of masculine or feminine, being a boy or girl or something else.

Most people think that a person’s gender and their physical sex should “match”. This is called ‘Cis-gender’ (‘Cis’ just means on the same side). 

Some people are born with a penis and identify as a girl, while others might be born with a vagina and identify as boy. This is sometimes called ‘Transgender’ (‘trans’ just means across, or on a different side). 

Other people identify with being both a boy and a girl or having many genders. They might identify as ‘genderqueer’. Others identify with having no gender, and may identify as genderless. 

And some people find their gender shifts and changes over time, like yours does. They might identify as ‘gender fluid’. Of course, what you call yourself is entirely up to you – you might even choose not to label your gender at all, that’s fine too! 

Being a bit different with your gender isn’t a bad thing, you deserve to be you! 

Why not check out some blogs, articles or forums about gender fluidity, gender questioning, transgender, and genderqueer on the Internet? You could also head to the gender section of ReachOut.com. There are heaps of people out there figuring out how gender works for them too. 

There are also expert services, like QLife (who offer phone or online counselling from 5:30pm-10:30pm), ACON or Twenty 10 incorporating GLCS NSW, that offer support for people around gender diversity, all over the state and country where you could talk to someone who understands and can support you to be you!   

Questions are answered by Twenty10 incorporating GLCS NSW. They are an excellent community non-profit that supports and works with people, communities and families of diverse genders, sexes and sexualities. They run a whole host of programs including a mentoring program for young people as well as social support, counselling, housing, providing information, referrals, support and advocacy on issues facing LGBTIQ people including young people.

Got a question? Swing it our way.

Last reviewed: 25 November, 2015
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