Oh hi there I'm Rhys Nicholson, but if you squint I could pass as a tired Tilda Swinton. You know I used to think I was
unusual a little bit different. I was worried who I was wasn't quite right,
a little bit not like other boys or as my high school bully would put it

BULLY:
Oh hey
Piece of BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP Swinton!


RHYS:
I always want to do it, how can I put this, bang dudes, so I did, and I
still do, yeah, high five Rhys.

It's awesome. I used to do it all over the shop. No really I once did it literally in a shop.

It was like..


LOOKALIKE RHYS in red wig:
I really want to have sex with you but I'm just wondering about the privacy
like I'm just saying it's not really suitable for us to be doing

OTHER PERSON wearing baseball cap and
fake moustache:
Shh no talk, no pants.

Rhys:
Clean up on aisle sexy!

So recently I've started meeting people like me, you know, 'heterosexually challenged',
and they told me their stories and I filmed them so let's have a listen.

TOM:
I had to pretend to like girls. So when people asked me if I liked girls I said I did, but
I didn't really.

GERALDINE:
In high school I really liked the band All Saints, but um I didn't like their music

ADAM:
I went to school in the 80s when Boy George was big so even though I was kind of... the jocks and
stuff didn't like me.. the girls thought I was amazing!

MONIQUE:
I hated dolls. The closest thing I had to one was a ninja turtle action figure.

KYRAN:
Because I'm bisexual and I knew that thinking about boys was bad. I would..
I would think about boys, but at the end I would switch, and think about girls, so that way I wasn't gay.

BENJAMIN:
I spent a lot of time watching channel 7 shows like 'Man Oh Man' and 'Gladiators' and being captivated by the men and not really
understanding why.

RHYS:
Boo! God that is so boring! Look me in the eye. Do you really think that you're
one of a kind, a rare precious gem? Do you really think you're the only one at school fantasising about One Direction
tickling you in a ball pit?

No you're not

And yes ball pit is a euphemism. Being gay is not the most interesting thing about you. I mean look, there are
definitely going to be people out there that don't like who you are. I was standing on the street the other day and a guy drove
past me in his car and yelled

BULLY in car costume:

Nice hat faggot!

RHYS:

I was like, 'You are correct on both counts, sir.' Look, fuck'em there is
nothing less original than yelling 'faggot' from a car. Of course there's gonna be people out there that don't like you because
you kiss boys, or girls, or both. But then there's other people out there that aren't gonna like you because you wear bow ties. Most people are gonna find being gay

interesting for a couple minutes, then they're going to move on because it's actually
quite boring. I know im bored of it. Please let's just move on and talk about something else.

TOM:

I normally win at chess. Like if I don't win a game of chess, that is abnormal.

GERALDINE:

One of my favorite things to do is build Lego. I really love it.

Like that! That's fun.

ADAM:

I really like Doctor Who. I'm obsessed with it I have Doctor Who dollies in my house sorry action figures I call them dollies thank
you.

GERALDINE:

This dude he's fun ooh gotta thing like here.

MONIQUE:

I love hanging out with my dog Blanche. We go for walks and stuff.

GERALDINE [with another Lego model]:
Ooh, talons!

KYRAN:
I have got a very large... collection of books
that at some point I'm hoping to read.

BENJAMIN:

I recently subscribed to The New Yorker and I enjoy cooking with kale.

RHYS:

I can talk to animals. They can't understand me but I still talk to'em.

BEAU:

I always yell like, 'Faggot!' at'em and then just drive away.

Fuckin makes me feel so brave.

[looks off camera]

What's wrong babe?

[cut to female sitting with Beau at dinner
table on theatre stage.

Disgusted, she stands up and walks off.]

BEAU:
Hey babe where you going? You haven't touched your chicken parma.

[Rhys pops up in scene]

RHYS:
What a guy! Now look, being gay is not what defines you. It might seem like the biggest thing in the world
right now it's not. That wears off. It doesn't just get better,

[points to banner on stage over dinner table
that says 'IT GETS BORING']

It gets boring!

RHYS:

So what else can you do? Hmm?

[Rhys sits down to dinner with Beau. Italian
dinner music starts to play]

RHYS: Hey this looks great, this looks really... There's no cutlery though this is what I've noticed.

[picks up plate of food]

Maybe I'll just do this.

[eats food directly from plate]

Oh good..delicious.

[shouts to imaginary waiter]

Can I get a Pinot please?

[Italian dinner music fades out]