Bullying - what is it

Bullying is really common and can happen to anyone.  This fact sheet will give you lots of info on what bullying is, who bullies and why, and how bullying might affect you.

To get help for bullying check out the Bullying - what to do if you are being bullied fact sheet.

What is bullying?

Bullying is many different things. Anyone can be bullied - it isn't limited by age, sex, sexuality, cultural or religious background. Bullying is a lot more common than people think and can happen in many different environments including school, at home, on the sporting field or at work.

Why are some people the victims of bullying?

People are often bullied because of a perceived difference. Bullying can occur because of perceived differences related to culture, sex, sexuality, physical or mental ability or disability, religion, body size and physical appearance, age, cultural or economic background or being new to a school, work place, to a country, to a social group, or being new to a sports team.

Types of bullying

• Verbal bullying - such as name calling or put downs, threats, teasing, including sexual harassment and innuendo (it might also be extended to written form through email or sms).

• Physical bullying - being punched, tripped, kicked or having your belongings stolen or damaged. It might also include sexual abuse.

• Social bullying - being left out, ignored or having rumours spread about you.

• Psychological bullying - you are given dirty looks or stalked, often less obvious or direct than other forms of bullying or making you feel intimidated or manipulated. 

Being the victim of bullying can lower your self-esteem and you may feel alone, sad, depressed, angry, scared or confused. If you are being bullied it is not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you. Don't be afraid to let someone know that you are being bullied as they may be able to help you.

Who bullies?

A bully can be an individual, or a group of people. It can either be someone your own age or older, including friends your boyfriend or girlfriend, brother or sister, or an extended family member. A bully can also be an older person, or someone in a position of power such as a teacher, parent or boss.

Why do people engage in bullying of others?

Often a bully will have a low self-esteem or has been a victim of bullying themselves and they are using bullying as a way of making themselves feel more powerful.

If you are experiencing bullying it may help to remember that bullies are often not as tough as they make out. Often bullying can become their way of dealing with their own problems. Bullies can also be motivated by jealousy, lack of knowledge, fear or misunderstanding.

How bullying can affect you?

Bullying can cause physical injury, stress, intimidation or make you feel as if you are all alone. It might leave you feeling scared and like your options are limited.

You can feel a range of different emotions, including:

• If it's been happening for a while, you may think you are to blame, feel guilty for wanting the bullying to stop and feel like you deserve to be bullied.
• Feeling like you are stuck or that the situation is hopeles.
• Because bullying can be part of the culture or everyday way of doing things in some places such as school, work, social groups, sporting groups etc, it can sometimes feel like 'the world' is against you and that you are alone. It can feel like there is no particular person or group that you can target to try to resolve the issues and stop the bullying.
• You feel like you aren't accepted by the 'cool' people or don't fit in.
• You may feel like changing the way you look or hurting yourself - some people become anorexic or bulimic because it's the only way they feel they can cope with the bad feelings that come from being bullied.
• If you are bullied for being good at something- school work, sport, music, art, work, or in your hobbies - you may feel like giving up, hiding your talents because you want to stop others being jealous or hostile (some call it the 'tall poppy syndrome').
• You may feel rejected or depressed.
• You may feel like you have to put yourself down in front of others to get accepted.
• You may feel like you have to become the 'class clown' so that people laugh at you rather than hate you.
• Alienated at school -no one to turn to as sometimes even teachers don't understand. Sometimes teachers bully too. Sometimes teachers feel threatened by students who question and challenge decisions, who think differently or who know more than they do.
• You may feel like the names people call you are true and start to believe you are worthy of being put-down. 
• You may feel that people look at you on the surface and don't see the real you - for example, if you are in a wheelchair they may only see the fact that you don't walk, and not that you have a good sense of humour or have strong interests in sport.
• You may feel unsafe or afraid.
• You may feel confused and stressed.
• You may feel ashamed of yourself, family, gender, race or culture, or economic position.

What can you do?

If you do feel any of these things, it is important to remember that it is the result of someone else's behaviour, attitude or beliefs. It is not because of who you are. Dealing with these feelings can be hard and seeking help is one way to help you to overcome them. By identifying these feelings you may be able to find ways to get bullying to stop and get the feelings to stop.

For more information about what you can do, check out this fact sheet on Bullying - what to do if you are being bullied.

More information

For more information about bullying check out the information on the left side of this page.

Other things on Reach Out! to check out are Reach Out Central (ROC), an interactive online space, and the community forums, where you can talk about stuff and find support on dealing with a range of issues.