Domestic violence

Hey Happydays,

Thanks Bella,

I know this is a site specially set up for our youth and I think it is wonderful that young people have various measures of support when they need it, there was nothing like this when I was a teenager. My kids have had such a different upbringing to my own, to the best of my abilities,  I have supported them in all avenues they have wished to pursue in life, because I feel that just being positive, happy, comfortable and safe is what is important. I probably tried doubly hard as a mother because I never had that myself growing up.
It saddens me that there are children living in abusive homes and I send each one of them my heartfelt thoughts and concern. The ReachOut site is of such value to our community, well done xx

Hi Happy Days,

Living your life in an abusive relationship is a very painful time, both phyiscally and mentally. Perhaps not physically for all but definately mentally traumatic for all I would imagine. I grew up in domestic violence so suffering with it all my childhood was a sad time for me as others didnt know so as a child I suffered in silence, always yearning for a happier home life
and self confidence like my friends seemed to have. I am now a woman, a mother, and yet the memories of violence of over 25 years ago are with me like it happened last week. My father was a very violent nasty man to myself, my sisters but especially my mum. 3 years ago I met a man who, behaviourly, turned out to be just like my father and it really scared me. He also really scared my children and there was no way in this world I was going to let my children suffer a childhood like I did. I had only known him for 3 months when I got a restraining order against him. To cut a long story short, he was charged and sent to prison for assault, breaches of VRO, stalking and harrassment. Irregardless of how scared I was of him and his revengeful personality, I stood strong and protected my children. He is out of prison now and I can only hope he doesnt do it to another woman, as I had found out he had treated about 3 women before me in the same way.They are called perpertrators for a reason, because it is what they are. It is not your fault, as it wasnt mine, it is simply what they they do to vulnerable women and children. If you are in an abusive relationship, read all you can about the personality of the perpetrators, you will start to see a pattern and then its like the light switches on in your head. Remember, its not you, its them and their failings that they need to blame on others. I know about domestic violence from a childs and adults perspective now and I would like to reach out to other women who are suffering this, especially mothers, do what you can to get out as it will ruin your child life for their happinesss in the future. I understand women love their partner and just want a happy home life but with a violent man, chances are, there may not ever be that for you. It will be a hard road I know that, but your inner strength will kick in and you may in fact astound yourself at your own will to survive. You are worth it, every minute of happiness, you are worth it and so are your children .  My daughter is all grown up now with a lovely boyfriend and as her mother I have strengthened and educated her about never allowing anyone to treat her badly, she has told me that I have been an inspiration for her and I know she has told her girlfriends about what happened to me and thats okay because it helps them also to understand that violence against women is wrong and that there are consequences to their actions and that is prison and criminal records that last 10 years !!!  I have been single since it ended with him and I am ok with that, I would rather struggle on my own and be happy rather than being someones excuse for everything that is wrong with THEM !!!

Don't go any further with this man.  You will not survive the relationship and remain mentally well.  

I've been out of home for a whole year now. I told a counsellor things that were happening at home, and she helped me get out and start supporting myself. 

Hi Starface93

I know of someone who is in a simialr situation to yours. The lady in this relationships, altohough loves the man very much, she has had enough of the abuse she has put up with, she is taking measures to protect herself (moneywise). She loves the man very much, but in a relationship one also has to look after yourself. Yes you may lvoe the guy, but you also have to lookafter yourself. It is up to you what to do. But remember, if he mistreats you, it is NOT YOUR FAULT.

But even if u do escape and the kids r safe at times it means nothing it looks now like my ex will get unsupervised visits with our baby even though its proven he hit me and his young stepchild and lied to the court about it. but for the couple of months our baby was in his home i protected her to well. He hit me while i was holding her he hit me while he was holding her BUT he didnt actually hit her so he gets to have her and get his chance to hurt her. I used to believe the law in australia was fair not anymore. And when something does happen i bet everyone involved will deny responsibility

I started reading comments and cried, some scares run very deep...
I was in an abusive relastionship for ten long years, the only good to come from it were my beautiful children. During those years I didnt see the wrong I believed I was the cause. When times became so bad I prayed EX would not make it home from work. It was a strange place to be and is hard to explain. My children witnessed so much, life was so disfunctional, but I did leave and that was hardest thing I have ever had to do. I wont go into details but it was terrifying. However with the help of a friend and a very persuasive sergeant I found the courage. That was eight years ago..... Life now for my children and I...........HAPPY ABUSE FREE.  A survivor Marley xox

need help, my missus been playing up. i ended up at a police station last night because me missus self inflicted wounds and said that i did it to her.

I'm really glad I came here. For as long as I can remember, my older brother has been emotionally abusive towards most of my family, and me in particular. He never uses my name, he pretends to vomit when I come into the room, says no one will ever love/want me, that I'm ugly and fat and stupid. He'd steal my money and things and sell them.

i myself have trouble dealing with my anger. i have a short fuse and when that fuse thins i explode. can someone give me some tips to help me control this before i hurt someone i love or trust

I have today decided to participate in this Forum as I too have been a victim of emotional abuse for ten years now.  I think by sharing our stories will enable us to feel that we are not alone and perhaps we can share some insights.  This is a powerful tool to be able to finally open up and say I am the Victim of Abuse and with that comes strength and courage to move forward. 

last year in 2009 me and dads door was broken down by my cousin and uncle ean and uncle shane they came in with baseball bats and beer bottles they where drunk and stoned pluse they wanted to kill dad and take me away. shane was swinging the bat but i jumped infront of dad and saved him. then we ran out the door and went up stares(i live in units)up to the caretaker unite.then my cousin and uncles  ran of can yah i was a very scary  moment ....

i'm doing a project on domestic violence for high school.  i haven't experienced domestic violence but i wanted to do it since it is so common in nowadays.  Just hearing these stories makes my heart move.  talk to a professional, it's the best way to stop it.

The really terribly thing with domestic violence is that its so common. And even worse then that, people like me stay in the relationships because they hope & pray that the times that the one they love 'Act out' aren't really them & that they dont mean it...http://au.reachout.com/manage/comments/69171/edit
Every day I pray (and im not religious at all) that today we will just be happy. that I wont do anything to screw it up. that Life wont do anything to screw it up. that a breeze wont float a piece of paper infront of him that he doesnt want to be there...
Everyday I hold my breath when he calls my name. Because I'm waiting for the screaming after.
The worst thing... is praying everyday...praying, and hoping it'll be better tomorrow... Knowing how amazing we can be... but never knowing when itll go bad...
Thats so scarey.. In 1 minute life is perfect... 2 seconds later, What happened??? I never know... I just pray he gets back to the angel i know he can be....

 

Hi Katrina86

Welcome to Reach Out:)

I really am sorry to hear about evverything you have been going through recently.

If someone is hurting you or threatening to, it can be hard to maintain your self-confidence. Remember it is NEVER OK for someone to hurt or threaten to hurt you.

I suggest you have a look at these fact sheets on our site they have some helpful tips on relationships:

Assessing your safety

An abusive relationship

If you feel like speaking to someone about what you are going through please do not hesitate to call Kids Help Line on 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline on 13 11 14.  These services are really friendly, anonymous and you can call anytime 24/7.

All the Best

Roisin RO Crew

 

Thank you i appreciate your help.

Hi rochelle91

Welcome to Reach Out.  I am sorry to hear you are going through a tough time at the moment.

Unfortunatley we are not able to give individual advice as we are not a counselling service, but I have found links to some fact sheets on the site which you may find helpfull.

If you are worried about managing your anxiety there are a few very helpful fact sheeets at this link:
http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/anxiety

In relation to dealing with your boyfriend's anger, the following information sheet may help:
http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/anger

If you are having trouble communicating your feelings with your boyfriend, there are some handy tips on the following fact sheet:
http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/maintaining-a-happy-relationship

If you feel like you need to talk to a professional about what you're going through, please do not hesitate to call Kids Help Line on 1800 55 1800 (It's free from any landline)

i need advise, someone please help me if you can. I met this really nice lad i'm 18 and he's 24 .. we got on really well .. he would call me every night and we would chat on the phone for 3-4 hours then after a month or so we started dating .. but recently he gets angry at me .. i suffer from anxiety .. so when it comes to sleeping at his house i get anxious and just want to go home. He thinks that i dont try though and he says everytime i say i want to go home he thinks i dont want to be with him .. he says he has battles with his head and he send me text messages saying he hopes i have a great sleep whilst he's alone and heart broken .. he says he wants to change but i dont know what to do .. can any body give me some helpful advise please. i really love him and i dont want to leave him but i dont want to be treated this way anymore

most people are too scared to say anything and still don't know the exact definition so they never report it. How can they get over the fear? How can they get over what has been done to them?