Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)

Hey depgirl,

I think I may have a problem. I wash my hands on average about 50ish times per day. I won't touch things like light switches & door handles with my hands. I worry about possibly catching something off someone if I get too close or walk behind them. I 'inspect' plates, cutlery, etc before I will use them. I ask the same questions multiple times and then still worry anyway. I think I need help, but I am so embarrassed about mentioning it, and I don't think I can face the consequences of the treatment. I can't keep going like this, but I don't think I can get it sorted either. What am I supposed to do?

x-xABCx-x

While a counsellor may help some people with their issues, I don't think they are always qualified to help people with mental illness.

I'm making assumptions here, but I would imagine that a lot of counsellors don't have the best training in dealing with mental illness and you would be better off seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist.

I see a psychologist and its quite amazing how much she gets what I'm going through and there is something so comforting about the fact that you can tie all your symptoms down to a mental illness, as opposed to just thinking your a bad person.

I know its not easy to make that step and see someone, but it is a worthy step to take and your life will be better for it.

Best of luck.

Hey,

I also have ocd and have been working through it for many years now and like you as well have had some counsellors that totally see past it and just see it as a way of coping, but they dont get that it can be so debilitating and affect life so much because there is so much anxiety and fear wrapped up in behaviours.

The best thing i found was talking to someone online and then face to face and when i got someone that just didnt get me, i would use all my strength to drag me to the next person. Its frusterating and annoying and you do get like 'whats the point, no-one will get me' but someone will, i so believe that now.

Keep strong and keep seeking out that help because ocd does not have to be a way of life, it does get easier.

Take care

Thanks Shouldbehappy and Shane. Yeah, I had a counsellor but she really didn't understand anything. I'm not trying to be rude but she wasn't very smart and I'd tell her something (which I don't really like telling everyone my feelings and stuff because I hate crying in front of people) and she was like.. well I think you have a good way of coping with your problems so you don't need my help. Instead of crying or whatever when I feel upset and talking to people I just start laughing, I really don't know why it's just sort of a guard I put because I hate being judged by everyone. Aha yeah I just get sick off everything, my bestfriend has depression and she barely talks to me anymore because she moved to her dads, changed schools and she was the only person I ever talked to about things because she understood. My counsellor stopped working where she did so now I just don't really see anyone, she seemed like she didn't want me to talk to her anyway.. at the end of the session she was always like.. you seem to be coping fine with ur problems and I don't think u need my help, r u sure you still want to come. I just feel weird asking my mum if I can go see a counsellor or psychologist anymore =P I just go from happy and fine to reallllllly really sad and angry at everyone in like 20 seconds and I still don't understand why? Thanks for your help, I'll try ask my mum again anyway.

Hi x-xABCx-x

First I'm really sorry to hear of your struggles with what sounds like OCD and your mum.

Unfortunately OCD is hard for other people to understand, or any other mental illness.

Mental illness is an illness, just like diabetes or any other medical affliction.  Medication is sometimes required, just like a diabetic needs insulin.  Unfortunately though people just don't get it, and it sounds like your mum might be one.  Please don't think I'm having a go at your mum though, it is hard for people to understand.

If you feel like you can't go to your mum - is there someone else you can talk to?  Can you get yourself to a doctor or school counsellor?

If you can I think this would be a good first step.  It is important you talk to a professional and get help. 

I know it probably seems like a terrifying idea, to actual admit to someone your thoughts and your feelings.

I was terrified but it got to a point where I knew I had to do something.  I honestly thought I would tell the psychologist my thoughts and she would call the police and I'd be thrown into gaol.  But it didn't happen that way at all.  She said she thought I had OCD and didn't seem disturbed about it in the slightest.

Please try and get some help.  I know how you feel, I still feel it now, but have support and medication.  I can't tell you the amount of times I experiences that feeling of being in a dream, wondering where hours have gone and where I actually was during those hours.  One of the weirdest things that happens to me is sometimes I look accross at my husband and its like his a complete stransger - and I feel completely disconnected from him and the reality of the moment I am in.

I'm not a doctor so can't tell you what you have but I can tell you your experiences sound similar to mine, and I have been diagnosed with OCD.

I hope you find someone who can help.  OCD is treatable and manageable. 

I'm not recovered - don't think I ever will.  Sometimes I feel like I can't handle it at all and want to drive my car straight into a tree - end it all. 

But I don't feel like this all the time anymore.  In fact I feel better most of the time. 

And you will too - but please try and see a doctor or counsellor.  It will help.

Goodluck.

adding to what I just said I get claustrophobic very easily and often get this weird thing (someone said it might be vertigo) where I'll be somewhere and then all of a sudden I can't remember where I am and I feel like I'm in a dream and can't really remember what happened 5 minutes ago. I've had a CTscan because I get headaches really easily + I never get to sleep when I want to, everyone else will be asleep and I'm still awake for another hour longer than them. Do any of these things have anything to do with depression? I always feel like I'm never going to be happy and nothing makes me excited or happy anymore and sometimes feel like I should just end it all but then I feel like an idiot. :S Sorry, I hate sounding like everything's wrong because many people go through worse than me.

Hi, 

Hi idontknowanymore,

I believe I have OCD, I am afraid to tell anyone and ask for help but I don't know why. It seems to worsen at night or when I am alone. I have been through a few websites and have quite a few of the symptoms. I don't know who I should go to and how to build the confidence to ask for help.

Hey guys. I am doing a research project in class on O.C.D. I chose to do it on O.C.D as I have a sister with this disorder and im also interested in learning more about it. 

Moderator edit: Sorry Ajay, no identifying information allowed on ReachOut.com. If you would like to submit a proposal to look for participants for a research study, email crew@reachout.com.au. We love you are interested in finding out more about OCD - you obviously care about your sister a lot. Good luck with your assignment!

Hey stuckinmydream,

im not actually sure whether i have this or not. i have read many other sights and im still unsure about it. i try ignoring the thought that i might have it, cause i dont want it to be true. its only really recently i started thinking i might have it. i was watching this show and they were talking about it and thats when it dawned on me. i like the number four and so i always wash my hands four times and i hate going to public toilets because im scared of germs. i arrange my pens in a way and i have this ritual i do before i go to bed. anyhelp?

Hi Shouldbehappy! 

Whoever runs this site - well done!  It is a great site that allows everyone to express how they feel without judgment.  Reading every one else's experiences is incredibly helpful.

Knowing your not alone is a wonderful feeling.  I think us OCD sufferers feel very alone most of the time because we are so caught up in our own minds we can't see what is around us.

Thanks danielh for taking the time to read about my struggles and respond!

Hey straightlines,

Firstly - well done on posting all of this here! It's great that you're reaching out and looking for a different perspective and a way forward. It's awesome that you've realised that you might need some extra help with this. It sounds like OCD is really having a massive effect on your life, and I'm really sorry to hear that it's such a burdon for you.

It sounds like your parents are really supportive, which is great. Although you said you hated it when you saw the psychologist, it sounds like that was a very long time ago, and I wonder if it might be worth giving something like that another try? You wouldn't have to see the same person - in fact, it's really normal for people to try a lot of different counsellors or psychologists before they find the right one for them.

If you don't feel ready for that though, maybe you could try talking to someone on the phone or online about what's going on, and how you might be able to start treating it. Kids Helpline is really good (1800 55 1800, www.kidshelp.com.au), and they also do web counselling, which is awesome. There's also eheadspace (www.eheadspace.org.au), which offers a similar service.

You might also like to check out the forums we've got here on Reach Out. It's a really supportive community of young people, and there are heaps of distractions, games, and discussions around different topics. It would be cool to see you there! You can check them out here.

Let me know if you have any more questions though, and do check back in about how you're getting on :)

Take care,

Georgie

Hey shouldbehappy,

Well, it has been a little while since I have visited this site and I had forgotten how helpful it is.  I don't think you can beat read others stories.  It really makes you feel like your not alone and helps alleviate the thoughts that I have that make me believe I am evil, bad and don't deserve anything wonderful because of the bad thoughts I have.

I really find that OCD is a rollercoaster.  One minute I'm fine and the next I'm not.  I didn't go to work today.  The thoughts have been really bad over the past couple of days for some reason.  I keep trying to block them but that just makes me feel like my head is about to burst.  I feel like I have this barrier in my mind, the thoughts are trying to push through and I'm trying not to let them pass, but the barrier feels like it is about to collapse under their weight.

I decided not to go to work today and spend a whole day dealing with this.  Reading this site and my book the Happiness Trap.  I really hope it will help, as ignoring it and trying to distract myself certainly isn't!

Its quite amazing to read these stories and be able to relate to them so strongly.

Living with OCD is incredibly hard - as you all know.  We know what we are thinking is irrational and we are also very aware of what is going on.  But that awareness doesn't make it stop because we are frightened.  Frightened of all the things in life that can go dreadfully wrong.  On edge waiting for that terrible thing to happpen.

The news doesn't help.  You hear about someone doing something awful, like killing a child or loved one and you think 'hey, it happened to them, why can't it happen to me?' and your then on edge waiting for it to happen.

You have no desire to do such a thing, none at all.  In fact you swerve to miss birds and lizards on the road and cringe at squashing insects, so why oh why do you fear this thing happening?

I think I worry about things happening in order to prevent them.  If you expect something to happen, then surely it can't.  The people that do these things don't expect it, so, therefore, if you expect it it won't happen.

That is how my mind has developed over the years.  My thoughts are my obsession, my worries are my compulsions or rituals.  That is I worry so as to cope with the bad thoughts.  Complicated hey?

But worrying all the time about everything that can happen is not going to give me a good life - not at all.  But how do I break out of this pattern when I've been doing it for most of my life?  Not easy, not easy at all and I think I have to accept that this will take time and work.

I've been trying to fix this for about a year now and have my good and bad moments.  Sometimes it is just so frustrating - you just want it to bugger off so you can get on with things.  Enjoy the good life I have been blessed with.  Perhaps that is half the problem.  I have been blessed with such a good life I'm terrified of losing it - things can't be good forever.  I'm on edge, waiting for the bad stuff to start happening.

But then I know there is no way of stopping bad things.  My life won't be perfect.  Sooner or later I will lose someone I love, have a bad experience at work.  That is life - other people have to cope with such things and so will I.

I don't have an answer on what to do about this.  I am trying to work out a way   After all, this is my life.  I have to live it and enjoy it when I can.  I just wish my bloody brain would keep quiet.

But then there are some benefits I think to my OCD.  The fact that I think SO much and am always prepared for the worst makes me better at my job - being a lawyer.  As lawyers we do need to overthink and be prepared for all the possible scenarios.

I'm not a parent yet, but I think it will help me be a better parent.  My OCD makes me very aware of people's feelings and understanding of people's 'failings'.  Many of my friends confide in me, I am a good friend and counsellor, so perhaps will also be a good parent.

Being so aware, being so sensitive and highly emotional does have its good points.  Also its bad, clearly!!

I am going to continue to see my psychlogist, continue to read my book that teaches ACT, and perhaps, depending on how things go, consider medication.

Is anyone on medication and do you find it helps?

I'm a bit frightened of medication because of all the stories I've read on people going 'crazy' on it....

Hi Lazelba,

I have suffered with OCD for about half my life. It started when I was about 12 and got to a point where I thought I was going insane. My thing was numbers, or one number in particular; number 6. There are six members in my family and I thought that if I didn't do everything six times something bad would happen to one of them and it would all be my fault. It got so bad that there were nights that I wouldn't sleep because I was too busy folding and unfolding my clothes or tying and untying my shoes - everything six times.

I think the turning point was when it had dawned on me that 6 x 6 is 36. Yep, 36. I lasted with 36 for a little while but it just got too much for me. I don't know how I did it but I managed to pack that monster away in a tight box in my mind and as much as it would scream at me to keep doing it, I ignored it. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I kept a few habits (realistically probably hundreds!) that were so deeply ingrained in my everyday routines that I forgot I even did them. My siblings used to tease me because they didn't  understand and that was heartbreaking because in my mind I was protecting them and I didn't understand why they couldn't see that. One of my sister's noticed my struggle and she would try and help me by talking things through or listening to me when I would cry. My parents treated it as 'just a phase I would grow out of' which, in hindsight, could have been highly likely.

But I didn't. I am now 23 and I realise that box in my mind wasn't as strong as I thought and I can feel it starting again. I catch myself on the self-sabotaging thoughts that go through my mind, encouraging rituals that are trying to inbed themselves in my everyday life. There is a positive though, I don't have a number anymore! Perhaps it's because my siblings have their own families now and somehow in my mind I have let them go to be protected by someone else.

So, after reading this fact sheet and reading the comments other people have left, it is nice to know I am not alone. And that I'm not crazy. And perhaps it is time to ask for help.

Hi rainbowzebras! 

I'm a twelve-year-old girl and I suffer from OCD or at least I think I do. I try talking to my parents about it but they tell me it's all made up lies but I swear I'm not lying. I always feel the need to analyze things and count every syllable of every sentence. This interferes with my learning and reading and almost every other daily activity. I sometimes even find myself repeating what other people say which makes me forget what they said. I'm also diagnosed with depression. Well, I'm not diagnosed with it but I have all the common symptoms of it and some even bipolar ones. I always have suicidal thoughts and cry myself to sleep almost every night. Sometimes on a perfect day I think, "maybe I won't kill myself after all..." but then something bad happens and boom, I want to do it again. My mum has depression and I kinda got upset about that. After I found out she started smoking and crying, I straight away noticed a million other things that added on to the problem: friend problems, family problems, OCD, sleep problems, etc. I feel so messed up.

I am not a professional so I cannot say what the professionals can, but I will give you some thoughts of mine. It is possible that he has OCD as well as aspergers or something else, or just one of these, but I cannot diagnose. However I do know that being obsessed with particular things is a common and normal behaviour of many kids with autism so his obsessions may be part of this condition if he has it rather than OCD also. It is natural as a parent to be worried about your child, especially if there is something that may be affecting your child. It is possible that these obsessions will affect his learning in certain areas, however as is seen with aspergers which is a higher functioning form of autism, he is likely to excel in many areas of his schooling. This obviously varies between children, but it is quite possible he will develop interests in particular areas and will focus on these rather than his other distractions. As he is only 6 it is hard to know what will happen in the future. With any form of autism, these obsessions and behaviours are very difficult to change, so it will be very difficult to remove these distractions. Discipline and  guidance can be given to a certain extent, however your child will be your child and it will be very difficult to change the things that he is focusing on. Children with autism find it difficult to focus on more than one thing at a time and tend to find particular things that they really enjoy and don't want to do anything else. It can be difficult for them to understand why they need to focus on things other than what they are focusing on. As you have stated he is not very sociable, another characteristic common to children with aspergers and another thing that is difficult to change. It is difficult for you as a parent to have a child like this and obviously these things concern you. In fact I commend you for the way you are concerned about your child and your efforts to help him. I feel that you will raise him to the best of your ability and will do an excellent job parenting a child like this. Remember that not everything can be changed, but all you can do is do your best. Making efforts to get him to focus on other things is important, however also remember that you will not always be successful. Concern for your child is a good thing but try not to be too worried and when things seem difficult try and accept it as best you can rather than let it get you down too much. 

Hi
I have a Son who was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome (form of autism)
over 2 years ago. He is nearly 6 now. This diagnosis was re-diagnosed as PDDNOS (pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified) by a child psychologist meaning not sure of aspergers and reassess when he is 8 years old, but still on the autistic spectrum. My son has and had various obsessions, when he was 4 he eas obssessed with fans, he saw fans in everything that moved around, he would spin around like a fan, move his hand in circles like a fan , etccc . thats gone , he had various obsessions like that, now he is obsessed with the nintendo DS. Thats all he thinks about, he wants to play it 24/7. we only allow him to play it half an hour a day. socially , he is not very well with kids of his age, depending on his mood. a typical example, my wife took him to disney on ice with 3 couples and their kids. All kids were interested in the show and following the storylines etccccc, he was only and focussed on the curtains of the theatre opening and closing by themselves. If you would have asked him what did he see in the show, he would not know except for the curtains. thats the only thing that fascinated him, not the singing, colors, dancing, etcccc, only the curtains !! his moods are very unpredictable, during that night, he cried like 25 times, being angry or upset from certain things. we have decided to see another psychiatrist. we are in fear of such obsessions may interfere with his learning as he wont be able to concentrate or focus on other things and thats already happening. we are in dilemma at the moment, dont know whether he is OCD or aspergers or mix of both. Anxiety and OCD runs in the family. I have anxiety myself. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Ally

Hi Shouldbehappy

Hi, I was wondering if anyone could tell me if I have OCD or not. I do already see a physcologist about my anxiety but I get kinda embarrassed about this and I haven't told her yet. But I have a weird touching thing, when I touch something with one hand I have to do it with the other, sometimes I do it with my legs, feet, and hips aswell. I also have to check power points like every 5 minutes, I always think to myself that if theres a fire caused from a power point or oven and someone I love dies it would be my fault. I know it sounds stupid but is this ocd? I have many other ones but they are the main ones.