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Suicide: Wanting to end your life

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If you need help now please call Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline on 13 11 14. If you are in immediate danger please call 000. For more information read the Emergency help section.

What to do if you're thinking of ending your life

If you are feeling suicidal or want to end your life, it's important that you keep yourself safe. Try to remember that thoughts about suicide are just thoughts. They do not mean you have to act on them.

No matter how overwhelming they are or how often you have them. They also don't mean that you will always have those thoughts.

Everyone goes through tough times and experiences times when things seem hopeless. It is possible to get through these times by creating your own 'tool kit' of coping strategies, which you can use when you're feeling suicidal or when things feel hopeless.

Some suggestions include:  

Postpone any decision to end your life

While it may feel like you have to act now on your thoughts of suicide, try to postpone that decision. Keep a list of other things you can do to distract yourself.

This might include:

  • watching a DVD
  • going to the movies
  • playing a game
  • ringing a friend
  • chatting on msn
  • doing some exercise
  • reading a book
  • listening to music.

You can then put this into action when the suicidal feeling starts to surface. Many people report that by postponing a decision to die, they found that their life did change. They were able to get the support they needed and could move on to a better, happier place.

Tell someone

Although it may seem hard, and may seem like a bigger challenge than taking steps to end your life, it's important to reach out to others who might help you to see alternative ways of solving or thinking about a problem. This could also help you to realise what is important to you, allowing you to have a more positive outlook.

You could tell a family member or friend, counsellor or any person that you feel comfortable with (this might also be a teacher or religious leader). If they don't believe you or don't want to listen, keep trying until someone else does. Sometimes people don't react well at first because they don't know how. This is not your fault, and although it may feel hard, don't give up!

If you are having difficulty speaking about what you're going through, you might start with sentences such as 'Right now, I'm feeling...', 'I think it started when...', 'I've been feeling this for...', 'My sleep has been...', 'Lately school/work/uni has been...'.

Or try writing something down and giving the paper to the other person if you're having real difficulty speaking.

Ring a crisis line

If you are having difficulty talking to people you know, phone a crisis line.

Kids Helpline (KHL) (1800 55 1800) is free from a landline and won't show up on a phone bill.

Lifeline (131 114) is the cost of a local call from a landline.

Both of these services are anonymous and they're open 24hrs a day 7 days a week.

Write down your feelings

Writing down your feelings, or keeping a journal, can be a great way of understanding your feelings and a particular situation. It can also help you think about alternative solutions to problems.

Set small goals

Sometimes people set goals which are almost unachievable and then feel worse when they cannot reach them. Try to set goals that are achievable for you, even if it's on a day by day, or hour by hour, basis. And remember to reward yourself too.

Exercise + eating well

Even though you might not feel like it, exercising and eating well can help when you are feeling down.

Biological factors, as well as social factors, influence how you feel and how you react think about certain things and yourself. Exercise helps stimulate hormones, such as endorphins, which help you feel better about yourself and your life. If you haven't done a lot of exercise before, it might be a good idea to start doing something small a couple of times each week.  A 15 minute walk or 2 or 3 laps of a pool would be a good place to start.

Avoid drugs + alcohol

Try not to use drugs or alcohol in the hopes of feeling better. Using them may help you forget about your problems for a little while but when the effects wear off you'll often just feel worse.

Talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist

Psychiatrists are health workers who have special training in mental illnesses, including depression, schizophrenia, and suicide. Clinical psychologists have a similar training, but do not administer medication.

You may be able to find them through your GP, your local community health centre, or through colleges of psychiatry and psychology. Some GPs and other allied health staff also do counselling. You may be able to obtain details through divisions of general practice in your area, and/or through your community health centre. Check out the Who can help you section for more info.

Why do people want to commit suicide?

Sometimes living can become very painful and problems can seem overwhelming. At some point many people think about suicide, but do not plan or act on it.  However, for others the thought of suicide might begin to seem like a real alternative to a problem or situation that appears hopeless or as if there is no solution.

Situations that might contribute to a feeling of hopelessness include:

  • relationship break-ups
  • family problems
  • sexual, physical or mental abuse
  • drug or alcohol problems
  • mental illness, including schizophrenia, bipolar and depression
  • major loss and grief such as a death
  • school, uni or work problems
  • unemployment or being unemployed for a long time
  • feeling like you don't belong anywhere
  • any problem that you can't see a solution for and is ongoing.

Is deliberate self-harm the same as wanting to die by suicide?

Wanting to end your life, or suicide, is not necessarily the same as deliberate self-harm. Deliberate self-harm, such as cutting or burning oneself, is often used to cope with difficult or painful feelings. When someone can not express in words or make sense of their feelings or emotions, they may choose to hurt themselves physically.

However, most people who engage in deliberate self-harm do not wish to die. For more information about deliberate self-harm you may want to check out the Deliberate self-harm fact sheet.

 

You can read stories from other young people who have struggled with this, and check out other useful resources on ReachOut.com

 

  • This content was created by Reach Out Australia.
  • Last updated 13 Dec 11

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30 Comments (Page 1 of 5)

Rosie

about 6 hours ago

Reply Report

Hey Depgirl,


Dealing with a diagnosis is a really hard thing to do - dealing with many is even harder. It's not at all unusual that you are feeling overwhelmed and confused. 

Something that I have found useful in the past is asking my psych for some information about my diagnoses ... this may or may not be helpful for you, but it can be good to get a deeper understanding of what it all means, and what you can do to aid your treatment. Remember too, to ask a lot of questions and make sure your psych explains everything to you properly - even if it means asking her to repeat things. It might feel like you are hassling, but it's important that you understand what is happening to you.

There is a lot of information on the website here that you might want to look at (but only if you want to!) Here is a link to AN, and here is a link to OCD. Here is a link to a page containing a lot of stories about how other people have gotten through tough times. 

Remember that you can always call kids help line (1800 55 1800) or lifeline (13 11 14) at anytime of the day or night if you are feeling unsafe or upset. 

Please look after yourself! Things won't always be this way for you, you're getting through some of the hardest stages of seeking help right now, so try and remember that it's OK to feel like things are going crap ...... it's like cleaning your room! It always gets messier before it gets clean. 

Thinking of you - take care. 

Rosie.

depgirl

1 day ago

Reply Report

I posted on here a couple of months ago that things were pretty bad, and have been looking at factsheets on the site. I saw my psychiatrist today and upon the advice of others on here I told her everything I had been keeping back. I now feel worse than I did before because not only do I have depression and anxiety and self-harm, she confirmed that I have OCD and anorexia. How am I supposed to deal with all this please? I just keep wondering if it's all worth it because this is all too much for me. Without being to specific, my thoughts are not good ones.

Rosie

3 days ago

Reply Report

Hey T94
 

It sounds like you are having a pretty hard time coping at the moment, and that you might need a bit of support. Have you got anyone at home or in your community that you can talk to about how you're feeling? Feeling suicidal can be scary and confusing, and talking to someone that can help you deal with some of the emotions and feelings you are experiencing is really important. You can and will get through this, even if it feels like a state that might never go away. Have a look here to see the list of stories and factsheets we have about wanting to end your life, and how other people got through it.

These are some numbers that you can call to talk to someone anonymously, 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Please call them.

Kids Help Line - 1800 55 1800 kids helpline also has an online counselling service at www.kidshelpline.com.au
Life line - 13 11 14  lifeline also have a crisis support chat service here: http://www.lifeline.org.au/Find-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat/default.aspx

Did you talk to your friend about how you were feeling? It's really important that you have support around you to get you through this time. Your GP, a counsellor at school, uni or tafe, a youth worker, a psychologist or a teacher are all professionals that can help you. If you don't feel comfortable talking to them, talk to a close friend, your boyfriend, or a family member and ask them to make you an appointment. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary state, and there are many, many other ways to deal with how you are feeling.

If you don't feel ready to talk to anyone, or you want to connect with other young people about getting through tough times, please have a look at the reachout forums here. These aren't a place for professional counselling advice, but they are a place to talk to other young people about getting through tough times, seeking professional help, and they can help you realise that you aren't alone in your feelings, and that you can get through them.

Please take care of yourself. You deserve to live, you deserve to be happy, and you will get through this.

T94

3 days ago

Reply Report

When i was 13 i wanted to take my own life more then anything and now im 17 and everythings turning to shit again . I feel like im not good enough for anyone anymore. Ending my life is all i think about from the second i wake up till the time i go to sleep. My boyfriend was mucking around and was on top of me and i couldnt breathe at all. I didnt make any sounds or any indication for him that it was hurting, he realised i couldnt breathe and got straight off and asked me why i didnt push him off. I couldnt even tell him its cuz i want to die. One of my friends caught on that im not coping and the first thing she said was "your the last person anyone would expect to feel like this, you always seem happy". im sick of pretending im happy. It scares me more then anything in the world, but i also want to die more then anything...
:(

Sophie RO crew

22 days ago

Reply Report

Hi there disfunctional


You must be really proud of your recent months, make sure you reward yourself by doing the things you enjoy and taking good care of yourself.

It does sound like you are still experiencing health problems around your neck that needs medical attention. Were you open with your doctor about what caused the bruising/swelling? You must be relieved that the swelling went down however it does sound like it would be worth getting another opinion or going back to the doctor to let them know about the affects you still have.

Beyond Blue have a list of doctors who understand mental health issues here, or you could also try calling healthdirect Australia on 1800 022 222 - it is a free 24-hour telephone health advice line staffed by Registered Nurses to provide expert health advice.

Hope this helps, keep it up

Disfunctional

22 days ago

Reply Report

I tried to hang myself about a year and a half ago, afterwards i had bruising all around my neck. When I went to see my doctor she was honest told me she really didn't know what I had done to it. She said give it 6 weeks and the swelling should go down. 

It did, it's not sore to touch anymore. But now when ever I get the flu, a cold or give a presentation my neck still swells up above and below where the noose was. I cant swallow properly and it feels like there is a lot of built up pressure just under my chin.
Its been over a year and doesn't feel like its going to go away.
I'm not really sure who can help me? Has anyone experienced the same thing? 
Please help
Disfunctional
ps: Havn't been suicidal or done any self harm for 2 months now... YAY!!!

Sophie RO crew

about 1 month ago

Reply Report

Hi Cherry


I just wanted to add a few thoughts to the really supportive replies from Randomness. It sounds like you've been through heaps lately and it is impressive that you've made your way here to reach out to get more info and share a little bit of you experience with us and help other young people. It is really courageous.

I think it is really important that Randomness picked up that you are still feeling suicidal and you haven't let anyone know about that yet. You've mentioned that your mum has become over protective and you have told one friend. That must of been a hard conversation but it sounds like your friend is a good listener and really supportive. Randomness has also mentioned the forums. One thread you might be interested in is the Tips For Calling Helplines, have you ever spoken to Kids Helpline, Lifeline or Headspace before? Kids Helpline is free from many mobile networks and might be something to consider to talk to about your suicidal thoughts that you've still been having. It's important that you come up with someone to talk to about it - whether it's mum, your friend, a helpline, school counselor, doctor etc.

On the forums, there is also a thread with A Box Of Skills for tough times. You might some ideas in there for looking after yourself and coping with this difficult time, while you are feeling isolated and embarrassed. The forums are a really supportive community of young people that might really help with the isolation you're feeling.

If you want to get information to prepare yourself for your doctors appointment, there is a bunch of information about doctors, things to consider about medication and your rights.

One of the cool things about ReachOut.com are the stories from other young people about how they got through their tough time. Check out this video and search for more here or on our YouTube channel.

Cherry, you've made some really important steps since your overdose and it's important that you now keep going on that journey of getting help. Hope to see you on the forums or comment back here to let us know how you are getting on. Keep in touch.

Randomness

about 1 month ago

Reply Report

Hi Cherry327, 

Also, you could check out the reach out forums. There are lots of people on there, many of whom have had similar experiences. Feel free to join and connect with some of the people there. It's a very supportive and awesome community to be a part of, and it might be help you by connecting with others who have had similar experiences. 

Randomness

about 1 month ago

Reply Report

Hey Cherry327, 

You're definitely going through a lot right now. I'm glad you found the Reach Out website. It's awesome you had the courage to post about your experience on this site, especially so soon after it happened. It is not unusual to be feeling a bit strange straight after an experience like yours. That's a big thing you went through so it makes perfect sense that you would still be feeling a bit dazed afterwards. It's great to see you are getting help now and have hope for your situation to improve. That hope will get you a long way. You say that you are still really scared for yourself because you are still suicidal, and you haven't told anyone about this. As scary as it is and as much as you would like to hide it, I think it's really important that you do tell someone that you're feeling like this. It will probably be hard for you to say, but it's important for your own health and safety, and people can only help you if they know. If it's too hard to say, you could write it down and give it to the person you want to tell instead. Remember, it's ok not to be ok, and don't be afraid to let someone know. If you need a professional to talk to between now and when you see the doctor, you can always call Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) or Lifeline (13 11 14) and chat to someone there. Stay strong and don't give up on yourself. There is always hope for things to improve. 

Look after yourself, 
Randomness 

Cherry327

about 1 month ago

Reply Report

Over-dosed a few nights ago. Still in a daze, is it normal to feel embarrassed and isolated afterwards? I'm also really scared for myself because I'm still extremely suicidal but haven't told anyone because I want to be ok.

My mother became extremely over-protective and I haven't told my friends - except one who is so supportive. I'm going on anti-depressents and seeing a doctor soon.

For everyone out there contemplating suicide, please don't. I know I sound like a hypocrit but as bad as life is and as bad as it seems, there's that tiny bit of hope that things will get better. I'm just praying to a god that I don't believe in I'll wake up and love life once more.

Peace xx

mischief_managed

2 months ago

Reply Report

Hey depgirl,


Sophie has given you a lot of great advice, but I have a bit extra to add! :)

I can relate a lot to what you are saying as I have also been feeling a similar way lately. It can be very tiring dealing with depression and anxiety. But it's great that you have people in a professional capacity who care about your wellbeing and want to help you get through the tough times. At times (I know it's hard!), but we need to trust that our health professionals know what is best for us and put our trust in their decisions.

You say you don't want to go to hospital or go on medication and I respect that. But I think those two statements are two things you should definitely explore further with your GP or psychiatrist. 

I was against medication for a very long time, I was determined to not go on medication as I saw it as a sign of weakness... But I eventually learnt that going on medication is NOT a sign of weakness, in all honesty, it's anything BUT! It means that I was able to admit that things were not okay and I needed a helping hand. Depression is an illness and medication is necessary for some people! Medication for depression is still a touchy subject for me - I'm definitely skeptical about it... But now 5-6 years have passed since I started on my first medication for depression and I can honesty say that I doubt it if I'd be here today without it. It has saved my life and I am very grateful for it. However, I don't believe it's the be all and end all and it's not for everyone. Regardless, I really encourage you to discuss your concerns with your psychiatrist or GP regarding medication and be open to their professional/personal opinions. Be open with them and tell them your concerns. And hopefully you can reach a compromise (e.g. you might feel more comfortable going on a really small dosage and taking it very slow). If you are still very against medication even after having a very in-depth discussion with your doctor/s then please talk to them about the alternatives. There is something out there that can help you feel better! But you need to be open to trying different things! :)

 If you are finding it difficult to communicate with your health professionals, then I really encourage you to write them a letter. I have written letters to my health professionals quite a number of times over the years and we both find it very beneficial. I have even said in my letters before that I don't know what to say to them - that I'm just very confused! But often writing can help me work out what's going on and I'm more honest with them. :) You could even show them the posts you have posted on here. That could give them some insight into what you are feeling and you know what? It's totally okay to say that you are not coping! They will be thankful for your honesty. :)

I really wish you all the best, please be honest with your health professionals - they WANT to help you, so please let them! :)

Keep us updated, if you'd like. :)

We also have an online forum which is full of a heap of supportive people, many of whom have been through similar situations and are more than willing to share their past experiences! Check us out:

http://forums.reachout.com.au/forum.php


Take care - thinking of you and sending positive vibes. :)

MM.

Sophie RO crew

2 months ago

Reply Report

Depgirl -   talk to your doctor as openly as you can. Let them know how you are feeling, and why you don't think going into hospital will be helpful for you. Do you have any ideas of how else you would like them to help you instead of hospital? Obviously you want some kind of help from them - that's why you are telling them, so it's about figuring out what you want. If you don't want medication or hospitalisation - what other help-seeking do you want to try? Ask the doctor what all your options are.


I've included here some information about hospital, and a story from another young people about their experiences in hospital:

You have mentioned having no motivation and not having any energy to fight. It's really impressive that you managed to find the energy to seek help here on ReachOut.com. Keep it up.

depgirl

2 months ago

Reply Report

I checked out the patient rights sheet, but I am still concerned about being honest with my GP because the last time I said to her that I didn't want to live anymore, she put me in the hospital. It took me months to be able to admit to that. How can I be honest with her knowing that? My psychiatrist has also told me that I should call her if I'm feeling like that again because she will put me in a mental health hospital. If that were to happen, does that mean my right to refuse medication is then removed? I don't care about myself anymore, I have no motivation, I'm tired of hiding my thoughts/feelings, and I have no energy to fight anymore. How can I tell that to someone, and there not be repercussions?

Sophie RO crew

2 months ago

Reply Report

depgirl, it's not an easy question that your asking - but it's fantastic that you're asking it. You've mentioned that things are pretty bad and that your feeling pretty low.

Where to from here? Well it's important that you keep reaching out for help and stay connected to those that can support you - your doctor being one of them. You sound worried about taking medication or spending time in hospital, but at the same time you acknowledge you feel very low.

Have you spoken to a counsellor outside your situation? You could try eheadspace it's free online chat with a trainer counsellor. Have a look here: https://www.eheadspace.org.au/

There are also other young people sharing their experiences on the ReachOut.com forums: http://forums.reachout.com/

It's important that you are honest with your GP, and if you are worried about hopital check out your rights as their patient: http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/knowing-your-rights-as-a-health-consumer

You haven't mentioned wanting to end you life, but you have posted on this factsheet - if you feel like things are getting out of control, contact Lifeline 13 11 14 or the police 000.

It's really brave of you to have posted here, keep reaching out.

depgirl

2 months ago

Reply Report

This are really bad right now. I don't really know where to start. I've been having tests for 'episodes' I've been experiencing, but because I have had anxiety for about 8 years just about everyone is saying the 'episodes' are of course anxiety, even though they are really different. I was supposed to sit my final uni exam this week but was too ill, so now I've lost heaps of my break I desperately need because I have to sit a supp. I told the GP and lecturer that I wasn't capable but they've just got their minds set. 3 weeks ago my GP put me in hospital overnight because she was "worried about my state of mind", the trouble is, not only am I feeling worse now than I was then, but now I am worried about saying how I feel in case she does it again. My GP wants me to take medication, but I'm really against it. My life just feels so empty. I've thought about running away too, which I'm so close to doing. I also self harm which causes me stress because I need to hide it, but I can't get myself to stop. Where do I go from here?

Randomness

3 months ago

Reply Report

Hey Smile_Through_It_All, 

Sounds like a tricky situation you're in. It's awesome you made the decision to give KHL a go and I'm really glad you found it helpful. It's a great start and remember it's always there for you to call again in the future. I think it definitely wouldn't hurt to see a GP. They may or may not put you on medication, depending on your situation and discussing it with you first, but they are able to connect you with a variety of resources, be it medication or counselling or whatever and they will probably develop a mental health care plan with you to help you both decide what you're going to do and manage your condition. Whatever they do, a GP is a good mediator of resource options to help you best. At your age they would be careful to put you on medication because there are certain risks with anti-depressants in young people, and sadly this may increase the likelihood of them asking your parents if they feel you should be put on medication. It's true it would also be hard to keep it from your parents, even just getting to the chemist and paying for them without your parents finding out may be difficult. I'm not sure about whether or not a GP would tell your parents. At your age as a 14 year old the line as to whether or not your parents need to be told is blurry and it's up to the GP whether or not they feel your parents need to be told or whether they believe you have the maturity and mental capacity to make good decisions for yourself. It could be good to have your friend and her mum their for support when you make the visit, but if the GP does decide your parents need to be told, they would have to ask your parents as legal guardian about what treatment options to take. Your friend's mum cannot give consent for you. It's great support to have someone with you though. The GP will listen to you though and discuss your condition with you and if you explain why you don't want to tell your parents they will take this into account, but I can't guarantee they won't tell. 14 years is definitely on the cusp of telling or not telling your parents. I wish I could say they definitely won't tell but sadly that isn't true and I have to be honest with you in case you decide to go and then they tell your parents. Despite this I do think a GP is a really good place to go if you can. 

In terms of telling your counsellor what has been going on, that's up to you. There are definitely benefits of telling her what's really been going on, but like you mentioned earlier, she said she might tell your parents if things get any worse, so I guess it's up to you to make that judgement as to how much you can say without the risk of her telling your parents. In terms of letting a counsellor sort it out without going to a GP, a counsellor definitely can help, but I get the sense the school counsellor isn't a great fit with you and she possibly won't be a huge help because of that. I think seeing a GP is a greater help than just seeing a counsellor but you know your situation better than me and I guess you have to figure out whether it's possible to get to a GP and avoid the complications already mentioned. I do feel though that it's important that you fight this depression and there may come a time where you have to make compromises to make sure you can fight it to the best of your ability, and this may include something like telling your parents or taking the risk in order to get to the GP which I think would be really helpful for you. I don't fully know your situation and there may be a good reason why you can't tell them and if you need to keep it from them then this is ok too. It will be difficult and there will be risks you have to take to beat this depression but you have to find the balance between taking a risk and fighting it fully. 

It's natural to worry about putting to much of a burden on your friend and it's true your friend needs to look after themselves also so what you tell them doesn't get on top of them and bring them down too, especially because your friend is helping other people as well. Keep an eye on your friend that she doesn't seem to start getting dragged down by other people's troubles and if she is then you may need to step back a bit, but otherwise it's really good to have a friend to confide in who just listens to you and knows what's been going on for you and is there for you. If she is starting to show cracks like you said, then maybe be careful not to tell her too much and put too much pressure on her. Maybe you can check up on her and make sure she's ok as well and she's not getting too burdened by everything she's hearing. Otherwise it's great to have a friend to share your troubles with. 

Yep it definitely is one huge circle of complications. I think the most important thing is that you get help and you fight the depression and beat it, however that happens for you, whatever turns out to work best for you. There will definitely be challenges and complications along the way but sometimes you have to go with the complications to achieve the greater goal of beating the depression. Sometimes you do have to avoid the complications rather than accept them but that's your judgement call to make whether or not the consequences are worth it to beat the depression. I probably haven't really answered your questions fully, more just given you some stuff to think about, but you know your life situation and you can figure out what will work best in your situation. 

Smile_Through_It_All

3 months ago

Reply Report

Hey again, gphelps and Randomness,
So the other day was not one of my best. My friend and I got into a fight and I had no other way of contacting my other friend who knows about my depression. I was on the verge of self harming and had the intention of going further - since no one was home and life just sucked shit. But then I remembered you guys and I called KHL. I was put through to a guy named Ethan who was an amazing help and who I talked with and tried to sort out just the little problems to make me feel better. He said that considering my depression had gotten worse the past few months and I'd had it for a year, I should try and contact a doctor, because there was no apparent cause for my depression I may need medication to fix it. I'm kinda unsure how to go about this; I dunno if I'll try and get my friend and her mum to take me to a doctor at some stage, or if I'll just talk to my counsellor about it and see if she can help me out. I'm also not sure if taking medication is the safer option as well. I dunno if the doctor can give me medication without a parents consent or even if I'll be able to keep it from them. I'm really unsure of how to proceed from here. I also don't wanna worry my friend, since she's starting to carry too much on her shoulders; she's trying to help out other people as well and I can see her starting to crack. The last thing a friend should be doing is placing more pressure on her.
Any adivce you guys can give me? The only thing I can think of is owning up to my counsellor that I'm not as happy as I act and that things have been getting worse for me, but then I don't want my parents to be involved. It's like one huge circle of complication and I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. KHL was awesome but how do I go from here?

Randomness

3 months ago

Reply Report

Hey Smile_Through_It_All, 

I'm glad coming on this site and having people to talk to has helped you. That's great you're thinking about calling KHL. It's definitely a good to have someone to vent to and KHL is a great way to do so, and they have lots of experience with this sort of thing so they can help you understand how you're feeling and find ways to help you deal with things. Let us know how it goes. 

You say you have trouble trusting people and always keep things to yourself. Sometimes it can seem easier to just keep stuff to yourself, but there are times when as hard as it is, telling someone is the right thing to do, and now is one of those times. This doesn't mean telling everyone your life story but sometimes telling someone can really help and I think it would really help for you to talk to KHL now. 

It's natural to be scared of how people will react when you tell them, and the truth is not everyone will react well, but that has nothing to do with you and don't let their reactions make you feel bad. People have their reason for reacting the way they do, but that doesn't make you any less important and shouldn't make you feel bad about what you are doing and thinking because you have your reasons for your behaviour too. 

It's ok not to want to tell your parents. It can be hard to let parents in on everything about your life because you see them everyday and they are a big part of your life whether you get on with them or not. Maybe one day, maybe even in many years time when you're not feeling this way anymore you might decide to tell them, and perhaps like you said you will never be ready, but that is up to you. What is important now is that you tell someone and let them help you. Obviously in the end it's up to you whether you decide to tell someone and who you decide to tell but like I said before talking to someone like KHL could really help you. It can seem a daunting thought to talk to someone new about this sort of stuff, but I say give it a go; you never know where it will take you and how much you could achieve and grow just by talking. You will probably feel quite scared when you first talk to them but remember you are doing the right thing by opening up and letting someone help you, so don't let your fear get in the way of trying this out. Let us know what happens and I wish you all the best! :) 

gphelps

4 months ago

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Hey again Smilethroughitall,


It's really good to hear that you feel a bit more hopeful after having people listen to you - it's amazing how much it can help just to know that someone out there cares. That sucks that KHL is blocked on your school computers! But like you said, you can call them and it's definitely a good way to vent and get out there what has been going on for you - I imagine talking more about this stuff and getting some good advice will help you to feel even more hopeful and less alone. KHL are so experienced in talking to young people as well and they're very used to hearing about people struggling with depression, so you don't need to worry about getting any awkward responses from them :) I think giving them a call is definitely a good idea - you don't have to feel alone in this and you can get through it - sometimes we just need a little bit of extra support, and that is totally okay. You deserve to be happy and healthy - remember that.

Another thing - have you ever checked out the RO forums? They're another good way to connect with young people who might be having similar experiences to you, and it might help you remember that you're not alone in feeling this way. They're focused around peer support - so you can ask for advice, help out others or just chill out and participate in some of the facilitated sessions around mental health issues if you're interested. Maybe worth having a look at?

Again, it's so good to hear back from you, and let us know how you go with KHL. Might see you on the forums!

Gail - Community Builder.

Smile_Through_It_All

4 months ago

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Hi Randomness and gphelps, wow thanks for replying - it's so refreshing to have people listen and to hear my story. You guys just made me smile and gave me hope.
I really want to go onto the kids helpline online counselling service but the only computer that I have access to is my school one and on it, it's blocked and I don't want to ask anyone to unblock it in case my school finds out and, consequently, so do my parents.
Maybe I'll try a new counsellor, but I think I'll probably call the kids helpline service; it sounds like it might be a better idea for me to vent.
I don't think I'm ready to tell my parents what I'm going through; but maybe I'll never be. I don't really get along with them very well (underestimation of the year) and communication really doesn't fit in there anywhere.
Randomness, you said that not everybody's the right person to tell, but there's always someone that is. That really stuck with me and it's made me think that maybe the counsellor I'm seeing at the moment  isn't the right person for me to open up to. Again, this made me think that I could refer to the Kids helpline.
I guess the one thing that I'm scared of above all, is that if I tell people that I have depression, I'll get the same reactions; shock, disbelief and immediately wanting to tell somebody. I have serious trust issues now as well; and I keep things all to myself. Which is why I went here; anonymous works for me.
Thanks so much to you guys reading and replying; I haven't gotten a lot of help or support and you guys just gave me hope.Thank you again (and sorry again about the lengthiness :s) 

gphelps

4 months ago

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Hey smilethroughitall,


That's awesome to hear that this factsheet has helped you :) Going through depression is really hard, and it sounds like things have been pretty tough for you over the last year. I'm sorry to hear what happened when you told your friends about what was going on for you - I think sometimes it's really hard for friends to know what to do, and that your friend probably just did what she thought was best. As much as it sucks that it turned into a bit of a catastrophe, it shows that you've got friends who care a lot about you.

It's really good that you've spoken to your school counsellor a bit about what's going on for you, but if you feel like your depression is getting worse then it's really important that you have someone who you feel like you can be honest with. Like Randomness has said, there are some really good free, anonymous services available - have you ever contacted something like Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800), Lifeline (13 11 14) or eheadspace?

It sounds like your parents didn't really take your concerns seriously when you expressed them to them, which I imagine feels pretty invalidating. I think (again) that sometimes people just don't know what to do or how to react, but that the best way to overcome that is by trying to help them understand what is happening for you. There's some good tips on communication here which might help you out talking to them. Perhaps even showing them some of the factsheets here on ReachOut, like the ones on depression, might help them to understand what you're going through a bit more?

It sounds like there'a a lot going on for you and like it might be worth talking to someone about your concerns. Like I said above, there are some really good services available - with the bonus that they're available via phone or online counselling - a lot of people find that this is easier than speaking to someone face to face. Would you consider contacting a service like that?

Hang in there, and let us know how you go :)

Gail - Community Builder

Randomness

4 months ago

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Hey Smile_Through_It_All, 

Reading through that actually made me smile! Nothing wrong with writing much. I do the same! It's great that you found this site and the fact sheet helped you and this area of the site helped you to let things out. You say that one day you wish you can be like the other people who's stories you read on this site. Well I say you are like us now! We have all been where you are right now and we have all fought these battles like you are fighting now. You are just as amazing and inspirational as any of us on this site. The fact that you are here says a lot about you. Everybody has their story and this is yours. You are just in a different chapter of your story to some of us here, but your story is just as inspirational as anybody else's here. 

It's a shame that your parents are acting this way towards you, however it's great you've got some friends who know how you've been feeling and are supporting you. Don't be afraid to confide in them. You might feel like you are putting a burden on them by telling them, but most friends are just happy to help no matter what is going on, and you're friends seem like they want to help you anyway. Remember that not everyone you tell will react well, often just because they don't know how to take it or what to say or do, so they appear to react badly. Naturally some people might get worried if you tell them this, but that's because they care about you and want the best for you. Some people will get upset, but even if they do, that doesn't necessarily mean they don't care and don't want to help. Not everyone is the right person to tell, but there is always someone that is. 

It sounds like you are having trouble with your current counsellor. Remember that not every counsellor is the right one for you, and perhaps this is the case for you now. I know you want to keep seeing this counsellor because you're old one told you to, but your old counsellor would also want what's best for you. Perhaps there is another counsellor somewhere else you could see that might be a better fit with you. You mentioned that you liked posting here because it was anonymous. Maybe an anonymous counsellor like Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) might be a good idea to try. Kids Helpline and Headspace also have online counselling if that works better for you. There's a lot going on for you right now and I think it's important for you to talk to someone about it. You might not feel like it, but you seem like you are quite strong despite what is going on. I encourage you not to give up and to remember that although things seem bad now, there will always be a better day one day. You have an amazing future ahead of you where you will do amazing things. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Don't let it destroy the future you could have :) 

Smile_Through_It_All

4 months ago

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This factsheet actually helped me, which is amazing because I haven't had much help in a long time. I'm 14 and I've been going through depression the last year, maybe longer. Every day I wake up and fight with myself if today I commit suicide. Nobody knows except 2 of my friends and my school counsellor, but it feels like I can't talk to anyone. I tried to tell my friend about how I cut but then she told her mum and her mum told my mum and it turned into this huge catastrophe. I ended up lying to get out of it; which is what I normally do. I can't tell my counsellor because we have a deal that if my depression gets worse she tells my parents.
She's a new counsellor, so she hasn't been with me my old one knew it all, I told her everything, and she helped me so much. But then she left and I don't see her anymore; she told me that she wanted me to keep seeing the other counsellor so I feel committed to her now.
This year has been so hard for me; things just get worse and worse and the only comfort I can bring from it is going onto this website and seeing that I'm not the only one going through hell.
Nobody else realises what I'm going through; when I first tried to tell my parents about wanting to commit suicide, they told me that I shouldn't joke about things like that and that suicide was a serious thing and that if I ever actually was depressed their whole lives would change. I felt so guilty about it all so I just shut up and lied my way out of it.
I'm pretty good at hiding everything; my friends don't know what's going on, the only people who really realise are a few girls who I see every day and who are like sisters to me. They see me when I draw away and don't talk to anyone, and they can tell that something's up when I come out of the bathroom after I'd just been crying and debating with myself not to cut.
I just feel like I can't trust anybody and if I do it turns on me so that they end up feeling awful. I try not to spill my feelings, because I tell them that my life is already hell, I don't want theirs to be like that, too, but they insist. I tell them, and they end up worrying, and being completely upset. When my mum found out about me cutting she said that I had upset my friend about it all, which made me feel even more guilty so now I just keep to myself; it's better that way.
Wow, it feels so weird to actually say all that :P I just feel like I can't talk to anybody I know so the internet is the best bet. And especially considering the things that people on this site have been through; you're all so inspiring and incredible and I wish that one day I could be like you.
Whoa, if you read all that I seriously commend you; I've been told that I talk too much... :s

Cassie :)

5 months ago

Reply Report

Hi Annelle,


Though things are really tough right now, it's great you've come online and posted here.

It's a tricky situation to be in, when you're feeling very unhappy so much of the time but you don't know who to turn to. It's often not easy to tell someone how you're feeling, but there are people who do care and want to help. Similar to you, I find it really difficult to communicate to people how I'm feeling and I put off seeking help for years. But over time I have found there is help available, and I hope you're able to find the same. 

The prospect of seeking help for the first time can seem absolutely terrifying, but when you're able to find a practitioner you get along with and you receive treatment that helps, it can make it so worth it. And often after the first time seeking help, it gets easier after that. If going for face to face help seems too big right now, you can start smaller- there's Kids Help Line webchat or eheadspace available, you can phone Kids Help Line or LifeLine. And when you're ready, your GP or perhaps a school counsellor can be good to go to.

Keep hanging in there.

Sophie RO crew

5 months ago

Reply Report

Hi Annelle


No one deserves to feel afraid or hate them self like you are right now. You made an important decision to turn to ReachOut.com today and you have done an impressive job of explaining what's going on for you , despite the fact that you say you "don't know where to turn" and you "don't know what to say". Well, you found us.

Posting here on ReachOut.com might feel like a small step, but it's an important one. Today is the day that you have done something about the way you feel. You could even use what you posted here to start the conversation with a friend, family member, doctor, teacher or any person in your life that you trust (you could even print it out and show it to them).

It was brave to let us know that you made a decision about how you would end your life, and if you are feeling suicidal the most important thing is to keep yourself safe. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem that can be solved other ways. Remember that these thoughts that you are having are just thoughts, and there are other options for what you can do - you don't have to act on these thoughts.

 By reaching out here, you will come across other options on how to deal with the feelings you are having. There is help out there that can work with you depending on your situation and what has got you to this extremely low point in your life.  Places like e-headspace, and Kids Helpline (for under 26s) have counsellors that can help you find what you're looking for, even if you don't know what it is yet.

How you get help is a really personal decision, though lots of people find it helpful to start their journey online, similar to you.

You could try:

Kids Helpline (for young people up to 25) have phone, web and email counselling: http://www.kidshelp.com.au/teens/ or 1800 55 1800

eHeadspace is a confidential, free, anonymous, secure space where you can chat or email qualified youth mental health professionals, go to https://www.eheadspace.org.au/ between 1pm-9pm daily.

If not, you can always visit your local GP and have a talk with them about your options. They may be able to refer you onto a social worker or psychologist.

If you are in immediate danger of hurting yourself, call 000. If you want some more ideas, you can also check out the 'who can help you' section here: http://au.reachout.com/find/getting-help/who-can-help-you, or visit the ReachOut.com forums to get support from other other young people, http://forums.reachout.com

Please check back in and let us know how you go.


Keep on reaching out,
Sophie

 

Randomness

5 months ago

Reply Report

Hi Annelle, 

Have you thought about talking to someone? Maybe you could call Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800). It's doesn't matter if you find it difficult to explain. They are counsellors with experience in this sort of thing and they can talk it through with you. It can be really helpful to talk about how you are feeling with someone. It can be hard to know what to say but maybe you could start by saying that lately you have been feeling a bit down and go on from there. You've given a very good description of how you have been feeling in your post so just say something similar to them. 

Annelle

5 months ago

Reply Report

I don't know where to turn. I don't know what to say. I've always been terrible in explaining how I feel. How do I tell someone I am always sad, even when I'm happy, that I hate myself most of the time, that the thought of being alone terrifies me because of the things I could do?
I know I'm young but I feel so old, I keep promising myself I'll do something about the way I'm feeling but the months, years keep passing and I don't.

..and today is the first time I actually made a decision on HOW I would end my life, and that scares me so much.

Sophie RO crew

5 months ago

Reply Report

Hi Marlee.


Life can be really hard, and sometimes the rough time seem like they won't end. Sorting through this stuff can be really hard and confusing. But it's really great that you've made it to ReachOut.com - you should be really proud of taking that step. There are lots of stories on ReachOut.com from other young people who have felt really low - maybe like you're feeling now. These stories tell us about how they made it through.

It sounds like you might have learnt something new from this fact sheet!? I hope you keep looking around the site. 

Have you ever thought about talking to someone. There are counsellors at Kids Helpline that will listen. Even if you don't know what to say - they are used to it and will help you have a conversation about what you're feeling.

Keep reaching out!

Marlee

5 months ago

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wow i didnt think to do stuff like this to get suicide off my mind.... but the thing is that life is so difficult for me.. :(

Randomness

7 months ago

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I'm sorry if the English is hard to understand. You may want to put this into a translator if it is difficult to understand. 


The reason to live can be different for everyone. Everybody's lives are different and they have different things that are important to them. So I guess the reason to live is things that are important to you. The reason to live may be family or friends. Think about how much these people mean to you and how you would feel if you lost them. Taking your life would be the same as losing them. Also think about how they would feel and how much it would hurt them. It may also be the dream that keeps you living. There may be something you really want to achieve and you can only do that if you are alive. You are an important part of the world and you contribute to the world. If you were not here, your contribution would be lost. The world would miss out on your dreams and the things you want to achieve because you were to in it to act out these dreams. Think about what is important to you. If you were not here, you would not have these things, so this is a reason to live. Think about why you feel like you do not want to live. Is it really so bad that you need to take your own life? Chances are it isn't. Things may seem hard but there is never a reason good enough to take your own life. You don't know how your life will turn out or who you will become or what you will do. This is a reason to live to discover how your life will be. There is so much you could do with your life and that could happen with your life. You miss this by taking your own life. Think about your future partner and children. They won't be your partner and children if you don't live for them to become that. The reason to live is different for everyone. You have to find what is important to you and what is worth living for in your life and remember this whenever you feel like you want to take your life. 

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