I think I am gay

Are you feeling confused, curious or uncertain about your sexuality? Here's all you need to know about being gay, along with some helpful resources and support.

This can help if:

• you’re attracted to someone of the same gender

• you’ve had a same-gender sexual experience

• you’re wondering if it’s okay to be gay

• you want to know what it means to be gay.

What does it mean to be gay?

'Gay' is most commonly used to describe someone who is only attracted to people of their own gender. People of all genders can identify as gay, but women often identify as ‘lesbian’ or ‘sapphic’. 

Gay is sometimes used as an umbrella term to refer to anyone in the LGBQ community. People who identify as bisexual or pansexual might also call themselves gay. 

What percentage of people are gay?

Lots of people experience same-gender attraction – you're not alone! A 2024 report shows that around 1 in 12 young people in Australia identify as LGBQ+.

Is being gay a mental illness?

Being gay is not a mental illness. It’s not something that needs to be ‘cured’. In fact, the Australian Psychological Society opposes any so-called 'treatment' of same-gender attraction.

How do I know if I am gay?

Discovering your sexuality is a personal journey, and it unfolds differently for everyone. Here are some ways to begin understanding your sexuality.

Explore your feelings

Some people describe their feelings beginning from a young age. Others might not recognise these feelings until adulthood. There's no right or wrong timeline. The important thing is to be patient with yourself and allow yourself the space to explore your feelings without pressure.

Try: 

• doing some self-reflection activities like journalling or meditating

• reading, listening or watching content about coming to terms with sexuality and being gay

• speaking to people in the queer community about their experiences.

Reflect on your experiences

Your sexuality isn't defined by a single feeling or experience. You might have a dream about your same-gender friend, or have a crush on your teacher. This doesn't mean you’re gay, it might just mean that you really love or admire them.

Instead, consider the pattern of your attractions and feelings. Do you often think about dating someone of the same gender? Maybe you feel attracted to one person in particular, but aren't into all people of that gender. When it comes to sexuality, all experiences and feelings are valid.

Try on different labels

You may not be ready to put a label on your feelings. That’s totally fine! Some people prefer to never label themselves. If you do want to explore a label, there are heaps of sexual identities to discover. Take some time to research the different terms and consider if any match how you’re feeling. 

Remember, you don’t have to stick with one identity forever. It's completely normal for your feelings and understanding of your sexuality to evolve over time.

Want to know more?

Just Ask ReachOut, our AI tool that gives you reliable, anonymous answers to your questions, generated from ReachOut articles and resources.

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How do I come out as gay?

If you are considering coming out as gay, it can be helpful to:

• pick someone supportive to tell first, like a trusted friend or family member

• take time to plan what you'll say and how you might handle reactions

• watch coming out stories from other young people

• make sure you have support in place before coming out to people you're unsure about

• understand that people who react poorly to your news may learn and grow over time.

Coming out is a very personal decision, and there's no pressure to do it if you're not ready or comfortable.

If you feel comfortable, try talking to someone you trust about how you’re feeling. If you don't want to talk about it with someone you know, there are lots of LGBTQIA+ support services available.

Being gay gets better (and more boring)

It's common to feel like your sexuality is the most important thing about you, especially when you're first coming to terms with it. This intense focus can be a lot to handle. But as comedian Rhys Nicholson and his friends share, being gay gets better and boring!

Video transcript.

Facing harassment for being gay

Unfortunately many gay people will experience homophobia or harassment at some point. If you’re being harassed, judged or shamed, remember that there’s nothing wrong with you. The problem is the other person’s ignorance and intolerance.

Here are some key steps you can take to get support:

• Put your safety first – leave the situation if you feel unsafe or threatened.

• Talk to someone you trust about what's happening – whether it's friends, family, a counsellor.

• Take care of your wellbeing by doing things that make you feel good, like exercise, hobbies or mindfulness.

• Report the behaviour to a teacher, coach, manager, or another relevant support person.

Learn more about coping with homophobia.