How and when to tell someone you're pregnant

Telling a parent, guardian, grandparent or other adult that you’re pregnant (or that you got someone pregnant) can be daunting, especially if it wasn’t something you planned on. 

There are some simple things you can do to help the conversation go smoothly. And if it doesn’t go well, there are also services that can support you if you don’t feel supported by your family.

This can help if:

• you’re pregnant and worried about telling your parents or carers

• a sexual partner is pregnant, and you need to tell your parents or carers

• you want to support a friend who is pregnant.

Steps to follow

1. Prepare yourself

If you’re feeling anxious about sharing this news, think through the conversation before it happens. 

• Plan what you want to say: Jot down the main points you want to cover, and think about what you’re hoping to get from the person you’re telling. Writing it down might help you stay calm and keep the conversation on track.

• Think about the different ways they might react: Try to imagine what they might say, and practise some possible ways of responding. 

• Talk to someone else first: A doctor, counsellor or trusted friend will be able to help you talk through your worries and concerns in a safe way.

2. Find the right time and place

• Think about how you want to tell them: You could do it in a letter, face-to-face or over the phone. Go with whatever feels safest and most comfortable to you.

• If you want to do it face-to-face: Choose an appropriate time and place. Make sure it’s private and that everyone has enough time for the conversation to take place.

• Have a support person: Ask a friend, partner or family member to be there with you so that you don’t feel alone when having the conversation. They don’t have to be a part of the chat, but it can be reassuring to know that someone has your back.

3. Give it time

If anyone becomes angry or upset, ask them to try and calm down before you continue the conversation. This could be difficult news for them to hear, and they might need a bit of time to process it before they’re ready to continue the conversation. 

If you’re concerned that they’ll react badly, make sure you’ve picked a safe place to go afterwards while they take in the news and calm down. You might stay the night at a friend’s place or spend a few hours at a shopping centre until things settle down.

Getting extra help

No matter what happens, know that you don’t have to do things alone. If the conversation with your parent or carer doesn’t go as well as you’d hoped, or you want to talk to someone, there are services that can help you to figure out your next steps and manage any stress or disappointment you might be feeling.

• Family Planning Alliance Australia can help you explore your options privately.

• Relationships Australia offers family counselling and mediation to help smooth things out between you and your parents or carers.

• PeerChat has trained peer workers who you can chat to anonymously and more casually about any worries you have.

• If you aren’t sure what you need, start by speaking with your GP, a youth worker, counsellor or mental health worker.

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