I've been called a bully: how to reflect, change and get support
Finding out that your actions have hurt someone else can be a real shock. It’s normal to feel defensive, guilty or overwhelmed when you’re told you’ve been acting like a bully. However, being called out isn’t the end of the world – it’s actually a powerful opportunity to grow and change. These resources can help you navigate from feeling stuck in shame to taking positive accountability.
The first step is understanding the impact of your actions. Sometimes, what feels like a joke to you can feel very different to someone else. It’s worth reflecting on when banter may have gone too far and learning more about what bullying behaviour is. Recognising patterns is the first step in choosing to change your behaviour.
Hearing from others who have been through this can also help. For example, James' story of realising he was behaving like a bully explores the journey of self-reflection and growth. If you’re struggling to process these feelings on your own, try these 5 steps to talking to someone you trust. For a broader look at how bullying affects everyone involved, head over to our about bullying hub. You have the agency to learn from this and become the kind of person you want to be.
Need a safe space to talk about what’s happened and how to move forward without being judged? Our peer workers are here to listen. Connect with ReachOut PeerChat for a free, anonymous online chat.
Frequently asked questions about bullying behaviour
If someone calls you a bully, it’s their way of saying that your actions or words have made them or another person feel hurt, unsafe, or intimidated. It’s often a sign that there is a power imbalance in the way you’re interacting with them. While it can be hard to hear, it’s an invitation to look at your behaviour from a different perspective. Understanding the impact of your actions is the first step toward making things right. Learn more about identifying these patterns in our guide to what bullying behaviour looks like.
Being called a bully means you may have engaged in a specific set of behaviours that have hurt someone, but it doesn't define your entire character. Everyone makes mistakes and has the capacity to change. By choosing to take accountability, you can learn from the experience and grow. For a personal perspective on navigating these feelings, watch James’ story about being called a bully.
The main difference between teasing and bullying lies in the intent behind it. Teasing is usually banter between friends where everyone is in on the joke and feels equal. Bullying is repetitive, intentional, and involves a power imbalance where one person feels small or targeted. If the other person isn't laughing or asks you to stop, it’s no longer just a joke. Explore where the line is in our guide to when banter goes too far.
Stopping starts with self-awareness. Pay attention to the moments you feel the urge to put someone else down – is it because you’re stressed, trying to fit in, or feeling insecure? Once you identify the why, you can practice new ways of communicating and managing your emotions. It takes practice, but you have the power to change your habits. For practical advice on shifting your mindset, check out our learning about bullying hub.
A genuine apology to someone you’ve bullied focuses on acknowledging the other person’s hurt rather than making excuses. Start by acknowledging what you did, validate that it was wrong, and express that you’re sorry for the pain you caused. Most importantly, back up your words by committing to change in your future behaviour. It’s about showing them you’ve listened and respected their boundaries. Find tips on how to start difficult conversations.
Recognising you want to change your behaviour is a huge first step, and you don’t have to do it alone. Talking to a trusted adult, a school counsellor, or a professional can help you understand your triggers and develop healthier social skills. You can also reach out to anonymous services to talk through your feelings without fear of being judged. If you’re ready to take that step, you can start by connecting with PeerChat for a free, anonymous online chat.