A guide to conquering social awkwardness

Everyone feels socially awkward sometimes. Whether it's chatting with a stranger, mingling at a party or going on a first date, social situations can be nerve-wracking.

If you’re not confident about starting a conversation, or you just feel awkward when you do, here are a few tips for boosting your social skills and stepping out of your comfort zone.

This can help if:

• you get nervous in social situations

• you feel awkward when meeting new people 

• you want to make friends and improve your social skills.

Remember, it happens to everyone

We all experience socially awkward moments sometimes. If you find that you’re spiralling after a really embarrassing situation, though, remind yourself that you’re human, and that humans aren’t always perfect – in fact, we’re often a bit of a mess. Embrace it!

It's not a competition

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking everyone is judging you on how well you handle social situations. Forget about impressing others. Everyone has their own unique social style, and there’s no right or wrong one. 

Focus on your strengths

Awkwardness is often fuelled by comparing ourselves to others. Instead, focus on what you bring to the table. Maybe you’re a great listener, or you have epic stories to tell, or you’re super passionate about your hobbies. Own what makes you unique.

Laugh about it

After an awkward moment, it can be tempting to shut down and start planning your move to the other side of the world. At these times, a little humour can really break the tension and get things back on track. 

Try poking fun at yourself and acknowledging the awkwardness (‘Well, that sounded better in my head!!’). Sometimes, even just a genuine laugh can help to put everyone at ease and show that you’re not fazed. People love it when we don’t take ourselves too seriously and can have a laugh.

Talk yourself through it

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, try some positive self-talk to quiet those racing thoughts. Repeating affirmations like ‘I feel confident and comfortable’ might feel weird at first, but with practice, it can really boost your self-confidence when going into social situations. Check out some tips on talking yourself up.  

Bring a friend along

If you expect that a social situation might make you uncomfortable, bring a friend along for support and encouragement. You’ll feel more at ease with a familiar face nearby.

Focus on getting to know the other person

If you don’t feel confident when you’re talking to someone, it's easy to get stuck in your head and to worry about how you’re coming across. A great way to shift your mindset is by focusing on getting to know more about the other person.

Ask them some open-ended questions. People love to talk about themselves, and when you show genuine interest in what they’re saying, they’ll find the whole conversation with you more engaging. The more you practise this, the more natural it will become.

Pay them a genuine compliment

Another way to connect with someone is by finding something about them to sincerely compliment them on. Whether it’s something funny they’ve said, or how dedicated they are to their passions, an authentic compliment can create a really positive atmosphere. Learn more about how to give a great compliment that’s not necessarily about looks. 

Be aware of your body language

Small things like smiling, making eye contact and uncrossing your arms show that you’re engaged in the conversation. However, if certain gestures help you to feel more comfortable (e.g. fidgeting or avoiding direct eye contact), that’s okay. The key is finding what feels natural to you.

Reach out to your support network

If social awkwardness is getting you down, talking to a family member or a friend, or someone else you trust, can make a big difference. If face-to-face chats feel too daunting, there are plenty of ways to get advice anonymously. Book in a PeerChat session here or post in ReachOut's Online Community.

If social situations feel really overwhelming and you’re constantly worrying about being embarrassed, there may be something deeper going on. Consider talking to a GP or a mental health professional, who can help you to uncover what’s happening and provide some strategies to help you manage those feelings. You can get more info about how professional help works here.