Herpes

Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV) is a very common sexually transmitted infection (STI) that can cause blisters and sores on your mouth or genitals. While it might not seem like it, most people actually have a form of this virus, and the physical symptoms are usually very manageable. It can also be a lot to deal with mentally, but learning more about it and getting the right support can ease the stress and anxiety around dealing with herpes.

This can help if:

• you have sores on your genitals or mouth, and you think it might be herpes

• you want to know the signs and treatment for herpes

• you’ve just been diagnosed with herpes simplex virus

• your partner has herpes

• you want to tell someone you have herpes.

What is herpes?

Herpes is an STI caused by the herpes simplex virus. There are two forms of the herpes virus:

• Type 1 is more common and is usually associated with sores on the mouth and face (often referred to as ‘cold sores’). Around 75 per cent of people in Australia have been infected with this form of herpes.

• Type 2 is typically associated with sores in the genital area. About 1 in 8 people have Type 2.

Both types of herpes can affect either part of the body. Usually (but not always), people with the virus will notice because they will get small painful sores on their genitals, anus or mouth. 

One of the confusing things about herpes is that it’s not always clear when you’ve first been infected. You can get the virus from close skin contact, such as kissing or oral, anal or vaginal sex. But, it can also be spread indirectly by sharing things like lip balm, water bottles, or towels. One of the reasons herpes is so common is that a person with the virus can be infectious even if they don’t currently have any symptoms.

Symptoms of herpes

• Your lips, genitals or anus itch or tingle.

• Blisters appear where the itch had been. These usually burst and leave a painful sore that will scab over.

• The first time you get blisters or sores, you may also feel flu-like or very run-down and tired.

Lowering the risk of herpes

The best way to reduce the risk of spreading the herpes virus is to avoid having sex when you or your partner is symptomatic – meaning that you have visible sores – and to always practise safe sex.

However, while the risk is significantly lower, the virus can be transmitted even when there are no blisters. Condoms and dental dams (a thin plastic barrier used for oral sex) can further reduce this risk, but keep in mind that because condoms don’t cover the whole genital area, the virus can be transmitted through the exposed parts.

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Getting tested for herpes

If you think you might have herpes, chat to your doctor about getting tested. This involves them taking a swab or doing a blood test. The tricky thing is, you can only get tested for herpes when you have a sore. You may have the virus, but unless it’s ‘active’, i.e. you have a sore, it won’t show up on your STI test. 

But if you’ve recently had unprotected sex with a person for the first time, it’s still important that you get a sexual health check, even if you don’t have any symptoms.

Can herpes be cured?

Being diagnosed with herpes can be quite a shock, especially because once you have the virus, it stays with you.

While there’s no cure that can get rid of it completely, your doctor can explain how to manage the virus. Looking after yourself can help a lot as you’re more likely to have an outbreak if you’re stressed, tired or run-down.

Not a lot of people talk about herpes openly, so it can feel pretty isolating when you’re diagnosed. But talking about it with someone you trust will help you feel less alone. If your trusted person doesn’t know much about the topic, you could read about it together so that you both become more comfortable and confident chatting about it.

If you’re not comfortable opening up about it with someone you know just yet, you can chat to others anonymously at ReachOut’s Online Community or on PeerChat. Your doctor can also help you get professional support if you’re really struggling.

Luckily, in most cases, the outbreaks of sores will be less frequent and less painful over time. Some people even stop getting outbreaks entirely after a while.

Talking to sexual partners about herpes

If you have herpes, the responsible thing to do is to tell any new partners before having sex. The fear of judgement and rejection can make this so overwhelming and stressful, but just remember that a lot of people have this virus, so chances are the other person has it too. If they don’t have herpes or are unsure if they do, they might be interested in knowing more about it.

Struggling to find the right words when bringing it up? Dating coach Shaun Galanos has developed a script on how to bring up sexual health that you might take inspiration from.

If the other person doesn’t react well, that’s disappointing, but it says more about them than it does you. Healthy dating and relationships need respect, so if they’re not kind and understanding during this conversation, then they’re probably not the right person for you.