What to do when your relationship feels like hard work

Every relationship goes through moments when things just feel... heavy. The spark fades, the communication slips, or the small stuff starts to feel bigger than it should. You might find yourself wondering if it’s meant to be this hard – or if it’s all in your head. The truth is, every relationship faces rough patches. What matters most is how you handle them and whether you have the right support around you.

If it already feels too much, you don’t have to figure it out alone. You can talk about what’s happening in a free, text-based chat with a peer worker. They’re real people with lived experience who understand what it’s like when relationships get complicated.

PeerChat runs Monday–Thursday 3–8 pm and Friday 11:30 am–4:30 pm Sydney time. It’s a free peer work service for 16–25 year-olds in Australia.

In this article, we cover:

• when relationships start to feel hard

• why things might feel off

• how to ease the pressure together

• when you need support outside the relationship

• how talking to someone who’s been there can help

• what you can do now.

When relationships start to feel hard

It’s normal for relationships to change over time. The early excitement settles, life gets busier, and suddenly small misunderstandings start to build up. Feeling drained or noticing distance between you doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in the wrong relationship – it might mean the two of you need space, clarity, or new tools to reconnect. Sometimes there’s been a rupture, like a hurtful mistake or breach of trust, and you’re both still figuring out how – or if – to rebuild from it.

Common reasons things feel off

Not all relationship stress comes from a lack of love. It can build from things outside your control, or from patterns that slowly wear you down. Seeing the difference can make it easier to understand where the pressure’s coming from and what kind of support might help.

When life gets in the way

• Stress outside the relationship – work, study or family pressures can spill over.

• Big life changes, like moving out, starting uni, or losing a job, can shift how you both show up.

• Financial pressure or uncertainty – money stress can quickly affect mood, communication and connection.

• Mental health challenges for either person can add complexity, even when there’s love and care.

When patterns within the relationship cause strain

• Emotional burnout – you’re giving more energy than you’re getting back.

• Different communication styles – you might both be trying, just in different ways.

• Changing needs or priorities – people evolve, and relationships need to adjust with them.

• Mismatched expectations or values – what you both want, believe or prioritise no longer lines up.

• Betrayal or suspicion of cheating - even small doubts or behaviours can create distance.

No matter the cause(s) of the current tricky situation, healthy relationships rely on a baseline of respect, empathy, trust and open communication. If those feel harder to find right now, it’s okay to acknowledge it and talk about it with each other, a trusted friend or relative, or a peer worker. Many couples face these moments, and they don’t have to mean the end – they often mark the point where change or support can make things better.

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How to ease the pressure together

When things feel stuck or rocky, focus on small shifts rather than big fixes. You could try:

• Resetting the rhythm. Make time for something that reminds you why you like each other – even if it’s just a walk or a game you both enjoy.

• Being honest about what you need. You can say, ‘I’m feeling a bit off lately – can we talk about it?’ instead of bottling it up.

• Lightening the load. If one of you is struggling (with study, mental health, or family), let the other know they don’t have to go through it alone.

If trust has been shaken, start small – rebuilding takes time and openness.

If you’re not sure how to start that conversation, or worried about what reaction it might cause, a peer worker can help you practise what to say or just listen while you sort through your thoughts.

When you need space to think

Sometimes you reach a point where every conversation feels circular, or where the trust between you has started to crack. That’s often a sign you need space — not to walk away, but to breathe. Creating distance can help you see things more clearly, notice how you’re really feeling, and figure out what you need before deciding what comes next.

You might use that time to reflect on what’s been building up — the same arguments, growing tension, or doubts you can’t quite shake. Taking space doesn’t mean shutting your partner out; it’s about caring for your own head and heart so you can return with more clarity. Try writing things down in a journal or notes app to help process the range of feelings you are having. 

Once you’ve had time to sit with your thoughts, talking them through with someone outside the relationship can bring a new kind of relief and perspective.

When you need support outside the relationship

When you’re ready to talk to someone, it can help to share what’s been on your mind with someone who’s removed from the situation – like a friend, counsellor or peer worker. Confiding in a trusted person can give you a new perspective and stop things from feeling so isolating.

PeerChat is free, confidential, and run by trained peer workers who’ve faced their own challenges. They get what it’s like to feel stuck or unsure. After chatting, 79.8% of users said they felt better and 85.6% would recommend PeerChat to a friend.

How talking to someone who’s been there before can help

Peer workers aren’t there to tell you what to do – they’re there to listen and help you find your own way forward. When you talk to someone who’s lived through their own ups and downs, it can help you:

• feel less alone in what you’re going through

• see your situation with a bit more clarity

• build confidence to take small, practical steps that feel right for you.

You can start a free 45-minute text session with a trained peer worker through PeerChat. It’s private, flexible, and guided by whatever’s on your mind.