Things to think about before sharing nudes

Sharing nudes is a super common way to flirt but, like any sexual activity, consent and respect are key to keeping things fun and safe. Here are six things to think about before hitting send.

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Why do people send nudes?

A good place to start is knowing your ‘why’. People generally send nudes because it can be a turn-on and a normal part of flirting or dating. But there’s a big difference between sharing a nude with someone who is consenting and involved, and sending one to someone who hasn’t consented or wasn’t expecting it. It’s not okay to send nudes to someone just to shock them or manipulate them into sending one back.

In some instances, people may send nudes to try to trick the recipient into sending a nude back, so they can then share it around or use it as blackmail material. This is a really serious crime called 'sextortion' and it's never the sender's fault, but it can help to be aware of the signs. Before you send a nude back, ask yourself: 

• How well do I know this person?

• Do I trust that this person is who they say they are? Have we only ever talked on an app or online? 

• Do I have a plan in case the nude is used against me? Do I know where I can go for support? 

Having your nudes shared can feel really awful and even scary, especially if someone is harassing you. Read our guide on what to do if your nudes have been leaked to learn about your options. 

Ask for consent (and make sure you consent too!)

 You should always make sure the other person is 100 per cent into the idea before you start sending off any steamy pics. This means an enthusiastic ‘yes’ from everyone involved before you send anything. And remember: it’s fine for either of you to change your mind at any time. Consent needs to be mutual, enthusiastic and ongoing!

Sometimes people who like you might agree to do things they're not really sure of because they're worried saying no will upset or annoy you. It’s important to reassure them that your feelings for them won't change if they’re not interested in sharing or receiving nudes. That way you can be sure that they are only sharing nudes if they’re really into it too. 

Just like in real life, no one should ever feel pressured to do anything sexual. Being pressured into something you’re not comfortable with is definitely not a turn-on. If you feel even slightly uncomfortable with sending a nude, it probably means it's not for you right now.

You can shut down the convo by being honest and saying you’re not into it. If they are still pushing despite your saying ‘no’, it might be time to reflect on your relationship and ask for support from someone you trust. 

Set the ground rules

Have a chat about what you both want beforehand, to avoid any misunderstandings. Be clear about what you expect the other person to do with your nudes. Here’s some things to bring up in the chat:

• What you’ll do with the nudes after. Should they be saved (if so, where will you keep them?), deleted, or taken off the cloud?

• Who can view the nudes. Are they just for our eyes only? If we’re okay with others seeing them, who exactly can view them and who can’t? 

• What you’ll do with them if you’re no longer together. Are we okay with us still keeping them even if we aren’t together, or would we want them to be deleted? 

Try to talk about this stuff before you send anything. If things move a bit too quickly and you miss having the chat, aim to have it as soon as possible after the fact. It’s important to be on the same page about this, even though it may feel a little awkward in the moment.

Remember that either of you could withdraw your consent at any time, so at the end of the day it all comes down to trust.

Have a game plan

You might also want to talk about how you want to send each other nudes. There’s no definitive way to safely share nudes online, but there are some platforms that are safer than others. However, these rules will only keep you feeling safe if you actually trust the other person.

No app can protect you against screenshots (or the old-fashioned version, physically taking pics of the screen), which is why it’s important to have really clear ground rules.

Make sure it’s legal

If you or the person you’re exchanging nude pics or vids with is under 18, it’s illegal. And, no matter what age you are, it’s against the law to harass anyone for nudes. Learn more about the sexting laws in your state or territory.

It’s never okay to share someone’s nudes without their consent. If you’re planning to share someone else’s nudes, you both need to have agreed to your sharing them and they should be aware of who you’re sending them to and how you’re sending them.  

Sharing nudes without consent is a huge breach of trust and privacy – not to mention unlawful in most states and territories. Think about how your actions will affect the other person.

Having intimate pics shared online can damage their self-esteem and cause them anxiety, panic attacks, or feelings of humiliation and shame. It could even get them fired or cause other people to verbally or physically harass them. If you’ve shared someone's nudes and you’re unsure what to do, visit eSafety to see how you can limit the damage.

If someone forwards you a nude, and you don’t think it was meant for your eyes, delete it. If you feel confident, you can tell the sender that you think it’s a pretty bad move to share people’s private pics.

Consider de-identifying your pics 

Despite what the news or your parents say, not every nude ends up plastered all over the internet. But, unfortunately, there are still people out there who abuse others and break the law. Remember it's never your fault if someone shares your nudes without your consent.

If you’re keen to share nudes but the thought of them being leaked stresses you out, you may feel more comfortable sharing pics that don’t include your face or other identifiable features like tatoos and birthmarks. This way it's less likely that you'll be able to be identified if someone breaches your consent and your nudes do end up online.

Talk to your friends

Chances are, your mates have been in a similar situation. It might be a good idea to talk to them about whether they’ve shared nudes before and what they’ve done to make sure it was a safe, fun and consensual experience for everyone.