What is emotional abuse?

If being around your partner or a family member makes you feel scared, confused and unlike yourself, or if you doubt yourself when you're talking with them, you may be experiencing emotional abuse. In an emotionally abusive relationship, you may feel that there is no way out or that without your partner you’ll have nothing. Emotional abuse is a form of domestic and family violence and can occur to anyone at any time in their life - as a child, a teenager or an adult.

If you feel you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship, whether with an intimate partner or with a family member, there are a number of things you can do to get support. It’s important to know that if you’ve been affected by emotional abuse, it’s not your fault and it’s never acceptable. You have the right to feel safe, respected and supported in your relationships.

This can help if your partner or family member:

• makes you feel like you’re not good enough

• makes you question yourself and your understanding of things

• constantly threatens to leave you unless you do what they say

• threatens to hurt you, themselves or others (including your pets) if you leave.

What does emotional abuse mean?

Emotional abuse is when someone repeatedly undermines another person’s feelings of self-worth and independence. It's often used as a way to maintain power and control over someone. Emotional abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse, and can severely impact your mental health.

Emotional abuse may be accompanied by sexual assault, and financial or physical abuse. However, it doesn’t need to include other kinds of abuse to count as abuse; it’s serious enough on its own to be a concern. Sometimes it might feel hard to define what emotional abuse is. The points below can help you to understand what emotional abuse looks like, how it affects you and what signs to look out for if you're worried about someone else.

Types of emotional abuse

Emotional abuse, sometimes referred to as psychological or mental abuse, can be enacted in different ways. Examples of emotional abuse can include:

• Verbal abuse: yelling at you, insulting you or swearing at you.

• Rejection: constantly rejecting your thoughts, ideas and opinions.

• Gaslighting: making you doubt your own feelings and thoughts, and even your sanity, by manipulating the truth. Get more information on how gaslighting works.

• Social abuse: seeking to harm your other relationships or reputation, sharing photos of you without permission, and monitoring your activities (both in person and online).

• Put-downs: calling you names or telling you that you’re stupid, publicly embarrassing you, blaming you for everything. Public humiliation is also a form of social abuse.

• Causing fear: making you feel afraid, intimidated or threatened.

• Isolation: limiting your freedom of movement, stopping you from contacting other people (such as friends or family). It may also include stopping you from doing the things you normally do – social activities, sports, school or work. Isolating someone overlaps with social abuse.

• Financial abuse: controlling or withholding your money, preventing you from working or studying, stealing from you. Financial abuse is another form of domestic violence.

• Bullying and intimidation: purposely and repeatedly saying or doing things that are intended to hurt you.

Effects of emotional abuse

Physical violence is often seen as being more serious than emotional abuse, but this simply isn’t true. The scars of emotional abuse are real and long-lasting.

Emotional abuse can have a range of impacts on your mental, spiritual and physical health. Victims of emotional abuse may experience:

• feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness

• low self-esteem and confidence

• depression, anxiety or even thoughts of suicide

• isolation from friends and family

• loss of faith or trust in other people

• fears around opening up about their emotions

• extreme mood swings and difficulties managing their emotions

• poor sleep.

Signs of emotional abuse

It can be hard to notice when you may be experiencing emotional abuse, or to spot the signs of emotional abuse in other people's relationships. This is because emotional abusers rely on manipulation to achieve their goal, and the abuse often happens in private. Knowing the signs means you’ll be able to more easily spot when you or a loved one may need support to cope with an abusive relationship. Common signs a person may be experiencing emotional abuse include:

• you notice their partner or family member talks down about them or intentionally shares embarrassing or upsetting things about them (including photos)

• they have become increasingly insecure

• they apologise frequently about things that are not their fault

• they do no want to talk about their relationship, even when you express concern

• their partner or family member is constantly checking where they are and who they're with

• they act differently after receiving a message or call from their partner or family member

• they seem more withdrawn and you find it hard to lock in time to see them.

Getting support if you're experiencing emotional abuse

If you’re experiencing emotional abuse, it’s important that you seek help. There are a number of domestic violence support services you can contact if you need someone to talk to and to learn more about how to deal with emotional abuse.

Read this guide for dealing with domestic violence for information, including where to go to make sure you’re safe, and the kinds of support you can access: legal, financial and medical.

Most importantly, if you feel afraid or believe you might be in danger, contact the emergency services (000) immediately.

What should I do if I’m being emotionally abused by my parents?

If you're experiencing emotional abuse from your parents, it’s important to reach out for support. Talk to someone you trust, like a teacher, counsellor, or friend, and consider seeking help from a mental health professional or a hotline like 1800RESPECT,  Lifeline or Kids Helpline, to get the support you need.

Will I recover from emotional abuse?

Recovery from emotional abuse takes time, but with support, healing is possible. Working with a mental health professional and therapy can be helpful in processing your feelings, understanding what’s happened and rebuilding your self-esteem and sense of security. Surround yourself with caring people who uplift you, and remember to be patient and kind to yourself as you heal.

Want to chat with a peer worker who can listen to you and support you? Book a free, text-based session with ReachOut PeerChat.

Is emotional abuse a crime?

Yes, emotional abuse can be considered a crime, particularly if it involves controlling, threatening, or coercive behaviour. It's important to know that help is available, and you don’t have to face it alone.